Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who just started dating an English girl has unfortunately had to give up ever having anything pristine white in his apartment, after having both his toilet seats and sheets absolutely decimated by fake tan. Speaking to The Advocate, a frustrated Jason Ellis says his girlfriend’s fake tan addiction is so bad, he doesn’t think he’ll be getting...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA couple of woo girls have this week inadvertently lined their nasal cavities with faecel matter, when an impromptu Thursday night sesh saw them getting on the bags. Lisa Denison and Marly Hobbs, both 26, are alleged to have met up at the Ponds dive bar last night, having both agreed hours beforehand that they 'would not be having...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA 23 year old bloke from Betoota’s French Quarter district has this week proudly declared he plans on launching a ‘industry breaking’ new app for hospitality, despite having had no experience with apps…or hospitality. Speaking to our reporter over the phone today, who pretended to be interested in hearing about his ‘disruptive’ idea, James Talbot-Manning, heir to the Manning...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTPOKIES AREN'T FAR OFF NOW: A Betoota family is on high alert as retired mum Jennifer Toddley (67) has made a dangerous switch from weekly Lotto tickets to weekly Scratchies. To explain them in the most optimistic way possible, low-barrier gambling programs such as instant scratchies and lottery operate on the idea that you need money to be happy...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman sick of copping shit for loving the Sims has this week lashed out at her boyfriend, after coming to the realisation that his SuperCoach addiction is pretty much the same thing. The argument is said to have happened last night when a very stressed Brea Linetti found herself alleviating some stress by playing some Sims 4 ‘Get...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe world you grew up in is dead but not in the cool Tupac way where there is a legacy and a chance he still lives. Current cost of living pressures (or 'crisis' in poor people’s terms) has meant that Australian mums can no longer afford a full kilo of mince they have no plans for and have to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTSpring has come to Betoota as hazard reduction fires have brought a rare off-season hay fever to the town’s residents most in-tune to nature. Hazard reduction burning is a land stewardship practice older than Australia where bushlands are strategically burnt to minimise the impact of uncontrollable fires in the subsequent summer. However, for Betoota French Quarter resident and Black Summer...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLike any bloke insecure about his need to provide income and protection to his family, Betoota dad Liam Tirk (35) went and bought an alleged guard dog. With 30,000 years of positive interspecies companionship to go off, Tirk thought that buying the toughest looking mutt he could find would help protect his wife and kids while he’s not there,...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThe International Olympic Committee has announced a groundbreaking decision to add manu bombs to the Olympic diving event. The New Zealand team has commended the move by the committee. For years, New Zealand has struggled to make its mark on the Olympic stage, with the nation's medal hopes largely confined to the women's power throwing events. However, with the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman is really shaking things up this week, by completely transforming the way she takes transport. The licenceless 32 year old informs The Advocate that she 'made a really big adult decision yesterday', by choosing to take a 30 minute bus ride instead of a 10 minute Uber. Which also meant she didn't get that extra fifteen minute...