Sports

Nation’s Weak Gutted Dog Kids Warned To Get Their Act Together Or Ricky Stuart Will Light Them Up In A Live Press Conference One Day

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's schoolyard bullies and tattle tales have been issued a firm warning by the real world over the weekend. The ultimatum, delivered by NRL coach Ricky Stuart, is that being a kid is not an excuse to behave like a weak gutted dog. This comest after the Canberra Raiders coach launched into a stunning spray of Penrith Panthers star Jaeman...

Old Kelpie With Digestive Issues Devastated After Ricky Stuart Compares Him To Jaeman Salmon

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A 12-year-old local kelpie-cross has today revealed to The Advocate the toll a tough weekend has taken upon him. Talking to our reporter through Editor at Large Errol Parker's clairvoyant stepdaughter, the dog named Butch explained that he doesn't appreciate being treated like a joke in the nation's media. "I just don't need that shit in my life...

Tigers Face Prospect Of Moving Within 10 Points Of 9th If Successful In ‘Stolen Win’ Lawsuit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some exciting news for one of the nation's most decorated sports clubs, a huge run at missing out on finals could now be on the cards. After the first win in weeks for the Wests Tigers, the famous merger club from Sydney could receive another massive boost. What comes as a quintessential rugby league story, the Tigers...

Reserve Grader Now At Age Where He Just Flat Out Refuses To Waste His Best Tackles At Training

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Blake Lamond has this week drawn a line in the sand. The Betoota Mutts Reserve Grader has informed the Advocate today that he will no longer waste his time with 'silly shit.' The 124 game club man, who moved from the centres into the halves into the back row says he refuses to do any form of contact...

Unlucky Nathan Cleary Cops 5 Week Suspension For One Of Those Tackles Ya Just Can’t Avoid

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Penrith and NSW's golden child is today dealing with the consqeunces of the nation's unchecked tall poppy syndrome. The halfback is facing a prolonged stint on the sidelines after he took an early guilty plea and accepted a 5-week ban. The ban came after an objectively harmless tackle, where Cleary misjudged his angles a tiny amount before tombstoning...

Gold Coast Suns Praised For Effort After Winning Game With Only 18 Number 1 Draft Picks On Field

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT The Gold Coast Suns have reminded the AFL world of what the underdog shinboner spirit is all about after an astounding come-from-behind victory on the weekend, with only 18 Number 1 Draft Picks left on the field at the last siren. This comes as the Suns sunk the equal last West Coast Eagles in a 107-104 point thriller...

Toby Rudolf Reveals He Was 100% Serious When He Said ‘Anything’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Cronulla Sharks prop Toby Rudolf has today thrown his support behind the introduction of an NRL pride round in the wake of Manly’s rainbow jersey saga, while also opening up on his own sexuality. The Maroubra Bender King has revealed to journalists that he fully supported the move, after NRL boss Peter V’landys alluded to the idea of a...

Both Christians And Homosexuals Relieved To Not Hear This Bloke’s Opinion On Pride Jersey Saga

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The catastrophic binfire caused by the Manly Sea Eagles media team’s attempt to be the first NRL club to wear a LGBTI rainbow jersey, appears to have simmered down today just in time for kick-off of the clunky first ever Pride Round. This is surprising given the state of media in this country - a limping industry that exists...

Manly Players To Celebrate Night Off With Pokies Session Followed By Some Coked Up Group Sex

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A time-rich group of Manly Sea Eagles has today revealed to The Betoota Advocate how they plan to spend their Thursday night. The players who won't be taking the field at 4 Pines Park (formerly known as Lottoland) have explained that they'll have quite a night on their hands. With a night off, the players say they'll be...

Manly Sea Eagles Call The 2011 Premiership Bad Boys Out Of Retirement To Fill In For Pride Round

RICK MOSS | Australian Hip Hop & Rugby League | CONTACT In news that won't really surprise anyone, the failed footballers turned succesful alcoholics who make up the NewsCorp sports analysis programme known as NRL 360 have taken issue with the Manly Sea Eagles attempts to be nice to gay people. Paul Kent, who played one match for Parramatta in an era when literal plumbers...

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