Sports

Basin Reserve Curator Prepares A Slow Deck To Counter Australian Pace Attack

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The curator of Wellington's Basin Reserve has told The Advocate that he has prepared a slower deck for tomorrow Test Match in order to pacify the Australian pace attack. For the past two seasons, the Australian Cricket Team has been spearheaded by the bowling of captain Pat Cummins, Mitchell Starc, Josh Hazelwood and Cameron Green....

Rugby Australia Put The Finishing Touches On Menu For This Weekend’s Super Round In Melbourne

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's brightest and most innovative rugby minds have today given themselves a long lunch, after ticking off a big item on the agenda - the food for Super Round. Super Round is supposed to take place in Melbourne this weekend, with the geniuses who market the game putting it on the same week the NRL goes to...

Barnaby Has Another Solo Round Of Golf As Effort To Keep Off The Grog Intensifies

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Member for New England Barnaby Joyce has enjoyed a round of golf on his own today in Armidale in what he describes as merely something to keep himself occupied. Mr Joyce is taking time away from work to relax and take stock after greening out on the pavement in Canberra a few weeks ago...

Rugby Fan Wonders How In The Hell This Could Be Longer Than 20 Minutes Considering What Happened

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A curious rugby fan decided to inflict some unnecessary pain upon himself last night by watching the Stan Sport documentary about the Wallabies campaign at last year's Rugby World Cup in France. The 3-part documentary series runs for over three hours, which confused Betoota Grove rugby tragic John Alistair Wallace at first and as the...

“Go On! You’re Free Now, Pigeon!” Cries Rugby CEO Phil Waugh As He Makes The Marketing Pigeon Redundant

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rugby Australia CEO Phil Waugh has made the difficult decision today to make the code's marketing head redundant after nearly half a decade of service. It comes as rugby union's administrative body makes sweeping redundancies in an effort to keep the game solvent in this country. Earlier this month, it was revealed that the Victorian...

Washed Up Veteran Accepts Fate And Signs 2 Year Contract With Gold Coast Suns

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A former rising star of the AFL has today met a fate written in the stars for some years now.  Daniel Gorringe has sensationally confirmed that he’ll be coming out of retirement to sign a 2 year contract with the Gold Coast Suns.  For those who aren’t aware, the Gold Coast is the final resting place for sporting careers in...

WA’s Grade Cricketers Keen To Hear More About The 40 Subcontinental Gentlemen Who Arrived By Boat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you haven't heard the most exciting news since Barnaby Joyce's Canberra naptime, Opposition leader and former home affairs minister, Peter Dutton, has declared that the Labor government has “lost control” of the country’s borders. This follows the news that at least 40 men have been lucky enough to not drown in their efforts illegally immigrate to Australia...

Bahahahahahahahahaha

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Bahahahahahahahahahah England. Suck shit. This comes after the Poms succumbed to their second biggest ever test lost, only eclipsed by their hammering in 1934 to us. The final result was India losing by 434 runs in the Third Test match of the series, after crumbling for 122 in the second innings. It was also the biggest ever test...

Albo Forgets Valentines Day And Has To Quickly Make Up For It By Dropping A Knee With His Honorary 2014 Grand Final Ring

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Much like the Roman Senate in 180 AD, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has been saved by Russel Crowe this week. The PM dropped a knee last night - after completely forgetting to buy flowers for the missus on Valentines Day. Albo is set marry for the second time after proposing to his girlfriend Jodie Haydon, three years after their first...

Rugby Union’s Decline Linked To Lack Of Players With Names That Sound Like Jane Austen Characters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While the NRL is going to Vegas, it seems certain clubs within Australia's domestic rugby union competition are going to the cleaners. According to an article published today by a major news company that has conflicting interests in the rivers of gold generated by NRL sportsbetting, The most recently established professional rugby union franchise is staring down the barrel...

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