Sports

George Colambaris Gets A New Gig Cooking Parmies In The Catalans Dragons Clubhouse

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The French-based Super League club The Catalans Dragons have this week announced the signing of yet another controversial Australian who would not be able to find work without them. As most clubs in the Northern Hemisphere rugby league comp appear to be deeply unsettled with controversial Australian star Israel Folau's entry into their competition, their concerns did nothing to...

$100M Worth Of Electoral Sports Bribes Apparently Easier To Sign Off On Than Fire Relief Package

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the sports rort saga continues to deepen, it has been confirmed today that it's apparently easier to give out $100 million worth of dodgy grants than get bushfire relief out to fire-affected communities. While bushfire relief in the form of tax relief, grants, concessional loans and remuneration for volunteer firefighters has been announced and is currently being...

Perth Residents Urged To Avoid Going Out At Night As Hordes Of NRL Players Arrive For The Nines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Cyclone Uesi making its way towards the coast of Queensland, terrible flooding hitting the South East Corner and QLD and NSW preparing for more torrential downpours this weekend, residents on the other side of the country are also preparing to batten down the hatches. Despite no major weather events being forecast for the capital of the aspirational...

Next Ash Barty To Continue Getting Changed For Tennis In Mum’s Car Until Mum Votes For Scotty

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a not so feel-good sporting story out of a safe Labor seat today, young Millie Watts is up against it, it can be confirmed. The talented young tennis player is currently being forced to deal with sub-standard facilities because her silly mother and most of the other people in the area she lives in vote for the...

Local Roosters Fan Begins Long Slog Pretending He Won’t Miss Latrell

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Heights resident Trev (50) has today assured The Betoota Advocate that he actually doesn't care that the Sydney Roosters have lost young game-breaker Latrell Mitchell ahead of the 2020 season. The man celebrating half a century up today down at a local pub has explained that he isn't concerned at all about losing the dynamic young centre who helped...

Selectors Increasingly Worried That Their Wives Keep Asking About The Greek Boy From Perth

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a shock for the nation's cricket fans, Marcus Stoinis has been snubbed from Australia's limited over's teams once again. The Big Bash Player of the Year and big-hitting Melbourne Stars opener has been left out of Australia's T20 and One Day teams for the upcoming series over in South Africa, a move that has certainly raised eyebrows....

Mitch Pearce Finally Gets Around To Googling Mugabe

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It was the tragic news that rocked the world, with sports fans and everyday people alike sharing their deepest condolences either through a personal tribute or a touching quote from an appropriate past legend. This appropriateness seemed to be lost on NRL halfback and Newcastle Knights captain, Mitchell Pearce, who, on January 27, posted a quote from Robert...

Pressure Mounting On Only Remaining Aus Open Ball Kid Who Hasn’t Taken A Screamer Yet

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Down in the cosmopolitan city of Melbourne young ball kid, Harry Hunt is feeling the heat. Not because of the weather conditions, but because the 13-year-old on the trip of a lifetime is under pressure. After nearly a month of living it up as a ball kid for the Australian Open tennis tournament, the young volunteer is coming...

Nation Confused By Having An Australian Still In The Tournament This Late On

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of Australia is still coming to terms with the fact that it has a Mens or Womens Singles player still in the Australian Open this late on in January. Not since Lleyton lost to Russian heartthrob Marat Safin in the Australian Open final all the way back in 2005 has the country had a Singles player...

Catalan Dragons Controversially Sign Margaret Court On Lucrative 2 Year Deal

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT French rugby league club Catalan Dragons have sensationally pulled off a second huge signing today. After signing controversial former Wallaby Israel Folau overnight, the club who takes anyone has just announced that they've also landed the signature of Margaret Court. Immediately after Israel Folau's signing, Super League team the Wigan Warriors announced that they would be hosting...

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