Sports

Cronulla Sharks Refuse To Explain Where All Their New Russian Players Have Come From

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The fallout from the World Anti Doping Agency's (WADA) decision to ban Russia from all major international sporting events has reached the Shire this morning. WADA took the decision after concluding that Moscow had tampered with laboratory data by planting fake evidence and deleting files linked to positive doping tests. Following the landmark decision to ban the nation...

Mildly Exciting Summer Of Cricket Fails To Distract Nation From 2.4M Acres Of Scorched Earth

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minster Scott Morrison is today panicking after being forced to ditch his plan to hide behind Australia's love of sport to avoid any further discussion of climate change - and recent funding cuts to emergency services. After Australian convincingly cat-and-moused a war-weary Pakistani side at an array of cities over the last month - the upcoming test...

Latrell Mitchell Looking Forward To Finding Out Who He’s Negotiating With Tomorrow

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Rugby League star Latrell Mitchell has today revealed he's stoked to find out who he's been negotiating with today, tomorrow. The 22-year-old back to back NRL premiership winner, State of Origin winner, Kangaroo and Dally M Centre of The Year, said he's really looking forward to learning about who he has been talking to. This follows daily updates...

Righto, That’ll Do For The Week

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Yeah, that's it. Wrap it up. That will just about do it for the week a brand new report has revealed. This comes as the boys start getting into it for the Day-Night Test down in Adelaide, and the hot weather persists across much of the nation. "Yeah, I'm done," confirmed one local man already down at the...

Terrified NRL CEO Freezes As Vibrations Of Incoming Off-Season Ripple Through Glass Of Water

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After almost two months since the final whistle blew of the 2019 NRL season, things have gone quiet. Almost too quiet. That's according to the long-suffering NRL executives and club boards. Given it is actually the off-season, so footballers aren't playing football at the moment - and therefore not making headlines for their actual sporting achievements. It is still suspiciously quiet. In...

150kg Plumber From Betoota 4th-Grade Also Suing ARU Over Claim He Coulda Captained Wallabies

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local brown-trout fisherman, Jeremy Dunning (37) has today arrived in Sydney with his local solicitor to begin court proceedings against Rugby Australia. Jeremy claims the Wallabies would have put in a "superior performance" if he had been selected for the 2019 Rugby World Cup in Japan and he could have possibly captained "a trophy-winning Wallabies team" in the future. Jeremy,...

LaMelo Ball Sets Aussie Basketball Alight After Becoming First NBL Player To Dunk

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Teen sensation LaMelo Ball has wowed the Australian basketball fraternity again this week. The much-hyped young star who skipped American College Basketball to play for the Illawarra Hawks in the NBL has officially become the first-ever NBL player to dunk. A slam dunk, or simply a dunk, is a type of basketball shot that is performed when a player jumps in the...

And We’re Off

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news the summer of cricket has officially begun. The symbolic first ball at the Adelaide oval has just been sent down by Mitchell Starc to mark a significant date on the official Silly Season calendar. With the Melbourne Cup and the social media skirmishes that come with it in the rear-view and the year tailing...

Incoming Wallabies Coach To Introduce Unique New Strength And Conditioning Program

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Dave Rennie has promised the nation's rapidly diminishing rugby fans that he'll be shaking things up a bit, after being announced as the new Wallabies coach. Following a rough few years since the 2015 World Cup Final for the men in Green and Gold, the new coach has promised to bring his own flair to the top job....

Elite Young Draft Prospect Begins Researching Exemptions For AFL’s Version Of National Service

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Aaron Emmet is studying harder then he ever has before. Despite the fact that his VCE exams are in the rear-view, the young Dandenong man is frantically hitting the books. The cause for the conjecture comes from the fact the promising young rover has been touted as a certain top 2 pick in next week's AFL Draft. The...

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