Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Rugby Australia's crack marketing pigeon has today swooned into the office for one of the biggest days of the year. "NRC semi-final today," cooed the excited pigeon who donned his best pair of cream chinos and favourite Baxter boots. "The Baxters mean business." "The Perth team and a Queensland one. I've been mocking up some nice photoshops to promote...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Two weeks on from one of the most contentious NRL Grand Final’s in recent history, the nation is still left scratching its head about one major thing. Not how much the umpire was paid to make that call that lost the Canberra Raiders the match, but rather who the fuck was the opening ‘celebrity’ entertainment? According to our social...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of Rugby Australia's Headquarters, the eagle has landed! The eagle, being the gun marketing pigeon hired to promote the Wallabies and the game at large across the country. The newly hired Marketing Pigeon who got a foot in the door because of his brilliant CV,  and the fact that he is related to a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Scores of nighttime revellers on the island of Bali have been injured this week after one of the most horrific examples of a Full Nelson in history. Traditionally the Full Nelson is a wrestling hold gained from behind an opponent by thrusting the arms under the opponent's arms and clasping the hands behind the opponent's head. However, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Land Of The Rising Sun is ecstatic today, after witnessing 23 of their fastest and strongest servants unlock their dormant Saiyan powers. This comes after the Cherry Blossoms defeated Scotland the Brave 28-21 in last night's rugby world cup finals qualifier, with the Japanese putting on most of the hurt in the first 30 minutes of champagne rugby...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As rumours swirl around the possible sacking of the Australian Rugby Union Marketing Pigeon, a leaked CV of the feathered marketer has caused quite a stir. Typed entirely in Arial Bold, the leaked CV outlines the recent job experience of the notoriously complacent pigeon as well as some University course work that really should be taken off by now,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A seasoned AFL coach has today shown off his managerial nouse today by putting the fear of god into a promising young talent. The Geelong Grammar product who ended up with a bit of first-team game time this year has reportedly grown a little too big for his boots around the Melbourne based Victorian Football organisation. That has...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Retiring Sydney Roosters player Cooper Cronk has opened up to The Advocate today about the experience of playing his last NRL game. Taking a moment from his post Grand Final victory bender with teammates, Cronk explained that Sunday night's match was the closest thing he's had to an out-of-body experience. Cronk who famously said that his series-deciding kick in State of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In breaking news out of the harbourside city of Sydney, it seems as though the Roosters may finally have come undone. Less than 24 hours since there historic back to back premiership win over the Canberra Raiders last night, the club has been accused of breaching the salary cap. However, while many may have expected the breach to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of Sydney, it can be confirmed that Jack Wighton loves a linebreak of the back of a gun step.