Sports

Wallabies Confident Kurtley Remains Focused On World Cup Despite New Fascination With Samurai

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian rugby coach Michael Cheika says he believes fullback Kurtley Beale's new obsession with the artistry of the samurai. Beale's third Rugby World cup comes off the back of one of the most positive Bledisloe series yet, however with an abundance of down time between training and fixtures - the Australian squad are finding other ways to remain occupied...

NRL Integrity Unit Now Investigating Several Players Accused Of Bringing Back The Spock

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Breaking news coming out of the Moore Park HQ this afternoon that Brisbane Broncos player Jake Turpin and Bulldogs star Dylan Napa are the centre of an NRL Integrity Unit investigation. Nine News senior rugby league reporter Danny Weidler has said the following about the ongoing investigation. "It relates to the rise of concerning blunt fringe bowl cuts that have been...

Things Pretty Bloody Quiet In Red Hill

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Broncos Leagues Club is today almost as quiet as a Sydney pub, after last night's shattering end to the 2019 season for the battle-weary Brisbane side. While some journalists were expecting a Mad Monday celebration at Alfie' Bar for the boys, it seems last night's absolutely rinsing down by the Parramatta Eels has left the club feeling like...

Report: Up The Fucken Milk

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the NRL has found that everyone is backing the Raiders this year, as the underdog saviours for the game of rugby league. After the fairytale premierships for the Bunnies (2014), Cowboys (2015) and Cronulla (2016) earlier this decade - the game has once again fallen stagnant after the sombrero megaclubs won the comp the last...

NRL Coach Suggests Scrapping Golden Point Following Loss In Golden Point

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local NRL coach has today dropped one of his hottest press conferences yet. The coach named Andy Wilkinson did so after his team was knocked out of the finals following a heartbreaking golden point loss overnight. Speaking to the media scrum while the 19-18 point loss was raw, the generally subdued character unloaded on the officials, the...

“Is There Cricket On?” Asks Some Wavy-Haired Prick Who Had Pretty Strong Opinions About Ball-Tampering 45 Months Ago

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local Aussie cricket fan Warren King (44) thinks he has it hard sharing a workplace with British cricket supporter Hamilton Butterscone (33). That was until King was forced to hear the opinions of cricket casual Jim Shrug (29) who insists he didn’t even know there was cricket on. “Oh is that the Ashes?” asked Shrug. “Who are we playing this year?” As...

Apple Release Special New Triple Camera iPhone Just In Time For NRL Off-Season

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some exciting news out of Apple HQ today, the new iPhone model has been released. Set to coincide with the beginning of the NRL Offseason, the iPhone BenderX has a raft of new exciting features, many of which haven't been seen before. Speaking from San Francisco earlier today, some faceless Apple creative in a skivvy spoke to...

“It’s Quiet… Too Quiet” Says Increasingly Nervous NRL Integrity Unit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Employees at the frequently frantic NRL Integrity Unit are this afternoon pacing the halls of their offices nervously. The anxious mood down at the unit has been caused by complete radio silence this month, on what should be another month of NRL scandals. "Everyone's on knife-edge down here," explained one member of the unit named Simon Tuff. "Something...

NRL Unveil New Manly Sea Eagles-Themed Hazmat Suits For Upcoming Home Final At Brookvale

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time since James Hardie was the lead sponsor for the Parramatta Eels, the NRL has today brought back supporter hazmat suits. This comes as Manly's home final at Brookvale Oval is scoured by local contractors to locate the traces of asbestos that were found at the suburban ground. The NRL has confirmed small traces of asbestos were...

Aspiring Teen Sportsman With Notable Lack of Talent Makes Tactical Shift To Field Hockey

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young man without the world at his feet has today announced a sporting career change. Jason Winston (17) has confirmed to friends and family that he's not going to give Under 18s footy a crack next year, and instead make the leap across to field hockey. The Year 12 student from Betoota Heights High said he has...

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