The Nation

Local Riff Raff Redlines The LowLux In Third Gear To Show Off His New Fuck Off Cannon Exhaust

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betoota meat worker has taken time out of his busy afternoon of talking shit on Facebook and spitting in public to speak about his evening plans and what other types of mischief he's going to get up to tonight. Deverell Slacks, 19, told The Advocate that he's saved up all week to fill...

Inner City Yuppies Purchase Rental Movie Despite Owning Several Streaming Service Subscriptions

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As they snuggle up on the couch for a night in, inner-city couple Troy and Susan Davies prepare themselves for a solid 45 minutes of channel surfing. It’s alleged the newlyweds had officially leaned into their 30s by swapping pub crawls for movie nights and spending their Sunday's furniture shopping at West Elm - which they could finally afford,...

“Can’t We Just Talk About The Silly Navy Dancers?” Says Scotty At First National Cabinet Meeting

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The knockabout bloke with two pikelet-sized nipples stuck to his chest that runs this bloody country has taken time in the first of many National Cabinet Meetings to just ask the blokes and sheilas attending if they could just talk about the silly Navy dancing girls instead of the usual boring stuff. Our Scotty...

DefenceJobs Now Advertising Positions For Anyone Seeking A Career In Throwing It The Fuck Back

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After the roaring success of their salute to the HMS Supply the other day, the Royal Australian Navy has called on our nation's youngsters who are considering a career throwing it the fuck back for Her Majesty to join the navy. Nursing a semi and a wry smile, Vice Admiral Winston Coleman explained to our...

NRL Prepares For Possibility Of Having To Use ‘Mercy Rule’ For First Time Tonight In Brisbane

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NRL is today briefing their referees on the very likely scenario where a televised football match will have to be called off at halftime, out of compassion for the losing side. This comes ahead of the showdown at Suncorp Stadium between the red hot Penrith Panthers and the limping Brisbane Broncos. Following the round 5 fixtures that saw the...

North QLD Man Disgusted With Self After Eating Whole Box Of Krispy-Kremes On Flight Home

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Townsville man has confessed to inhaling twelve Krispy-Kreme doughnuts which he purchased at Brisbane Airport shortly before he flew out this afternoon. Francis Dollarhyde, a defence contractor and junior rugby league coach, purchased the sweet treats for his family as a treat. However, somewhere over Mackay, the temptation proved to be too much. "I had two...

“Christine Holgate Is Our Rosa Parks” Says Inner-City Corporate Lawyer At Big 6 Law Firm

INGRID DOULTON | Culture | Contact As the fallout from Christine Holgate's Senate Inquiry appearance continues, the societal importance of the saga has today been quantified by one of her overnight disciples in the corporate sector. "Christine Holgate is our Rosa Parks," explained 55-year old commercial litigation specialist and recently outed suffragette Ellie Minterson today, referencing the famous African-American civil rights activist. "Like...

Left With No Other Option, Rich Person’s Kid Goes To Design School

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some in our town say French Quarter mid-tier design school, École Pour Les Sangs Bleus Inutiles, was only built to accommodate and educate the talentless children of Betoota's cultural elite. Others say it provides a "mezzanine-level of design education that prepares students for a life on the cutting edge of the industry" - and...

NSW Labor Criticised By Surry Hills Branch For Running Blue Collar Worker In Blue Collar Seat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Labor Party's all powerful Surry Hills branch has today put their foot down, after it was revealed that their beloved party is making an attempt at appealing to the working man. Known colloquially as the 'No Socks Chino Crowd' - the Surry Hills branch represents the beating heart of Labor's growing faction of neoliberal inner-city elites who were...

Cold Snap Has Come Through, Confirms Wife

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local Betoota Heights wife has confirmed to The Advocate today that the cold snap has certainly arrived. The much talked about weather pattern in office kitchen rooms and bowling clubs has reportedly hit the Channel Country this week, after Tessa Simmons was spotted with 4 layers on and a thick blanket sprawled across her home office set...

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