The Nation

Fleet Of Japanese Ships Undertake Urgent Research Trip To Tasmania

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT An armada of Japanese ships has reportedly been spotted making a beeline for the Tasmanian coast this week, after news broke of an urgent research mission. With the stranding of 230 pilot whales in Macquarie Harbour making international news, it's believed Japan's crack team of scientists had wasted little time in heading south. While a number of the...

Report: There Will Be No Further Debate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It was initially thought that nn image of King Charles III would replace Queen Elizabeth II on Australia's $5 banknotes following the death of Her Majesty - However, this may no longer be the case. The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) has today confirmed that options are still open for the next face of Australia's pink note. The reigning monarch...

“Yeah… See How We Go Hey” Says Long Suffering Parramatta Fan With Extremely Guarded Enthusiasm

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In rugby league circles, the general consensus is that 'the sun will burn out' before the Parramatta Eels win another premiership. This comes after three long decades since the glorious Peter Sterling era, when the club looked like they were on track to become one of the most successful clubs in the history of the game. However, this trajectory was...

“Oi! Can You Not Eat Food In My [1997 Subaru Impreza], Dickhead”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 17-year-old car owner has today made it clear that as the owner of a car, he will not allow people to eat food in his car that he owns. Everyone was very excited to learn that Mitchy Wheeler had gotten his licence today, and no one more than him. As a self-confessed "car-lover" since his early teens, Mitchy...

Local Geography Teacher Thrilled To Learn Trusty New Balance Wheels Now A Boost To His Street Cred

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local geography teacher is strutting home from school with a skip in his step, after discovering that his choice of footwear is back in fashion. After 15 years of staying faithful to his favourite set of sandshoes, an elephant grey pair of New Balance 990’s, South Betoota High School teacher Dennis Jamsley (38) is reportedly thrilled...

Albo: “Not A Big Deal Or Anything, But A Few Springies Wouldn’t Have Gone Astray”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today given an update from the other side of the world. Speaking after the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II at Westminster Abbey, Albanese confirmed the service did tend to drag on a bit. "Mate, I was fucking starving by the end of it," said the Prime Minister who was joined by his...

So Called ‘Royal Family’ Doesn’t Have Enough Hot Blonde People Committing Incest To Pique Woman’s Interest

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWhen it comes to sticking to her morals, it appears that local woman Joceline Fenwick finds herself coming up with excuses if the people in question are A. Fictional and B. Really hot. Well, she hopes it only pertains to fictional people, but she hasn’t really been tested that much in real life yet, so who the fuck knows. Despite...

Business Council Proposes Students Should Get Extra 2 Years To Stay And Work All The Shit Jobs

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact The recent Jobs and Skills Summit has blessed Australia’s International students with a great outcome, giving them an extra two years post-study to stay and work under visa changes announced by Education Minister Jason Clare. “International students are worth billions of dollars to the Australian economy,” Clare said. “And unlike most Aussies, they are happy to work for...

“You Just Can’t Describe It” Says Corporate Woman Before Spending 2 Hours Describing Burning Man

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local woman is busy regaling tales of her travels this morning, to an audience of disinterested work colleagues who zoned out hours ago. Fresh from a seven day stint in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, just like Moses roaming the desert, global traveler Sara Ella-Smith is said to have been spiritually changed from her experience at Burning...

Day 5 Of Rolling Australian News Coverage Confirms That The Queen’s Situation Has Not Improved

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's media are this week well and truly playing the role of a loyal backwater British colony, as almost zero local news manages to penetrate the 5 days of rolling coverage of Queen Elizabeth II's passing. Finals football, state government corruption, and countless major crimes across the metropolitan news markets have been unable to get even the slightest look-in,...

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