The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The New South Welsh Premier Gladys Berejikilian has confirmed that she broke the law earlier this month by failing to isolate herself in the hours after taking a rapid spicy cough test. Instead of shutting herself away from the world, the Premier left her door open and spoke to multiple people whil awaiting test results...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Scientists in Victoria have today made a shocking discovery. While running some routine checks on local sewage, researchers stumbled across another virus, that hadn't yet been formally identified in the science world. With a fine batch of local sewage in the form of the Australian and Herald Sun newspapers, the team were hoping to discover whether traces of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Victoria has all but seemingly crushed the spicy cough, leading the state's defacto leader Dan Andrews to give the people of Melbourne even more freedoms. From next week, up to six people from dix different households may gather around appropriate glass table outdoor settings to bend without time restriction. Bending is a Victorian pass time and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young couple from our town's Betoota Heights corridor have just returned from Hamilton Island this morning, where they revealed they didn't share a photo of the 'fucking' cockatoos that loitered on their balcony like youths around a supermarket entrance. Staff at the iconic holiday destination have even gone as far as suggesting Annabel and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local bloke, Cole Chisel (49, Betoota Heights) hasn't missed a dawn service since he can remember. While most of his mates only started taking part in ANZAC Day commemorations when John Howard began fetishising the needless loss of young lives in Gallipoli for political gain in the late-90s, Cole was marching with his Pop well before the greater public...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The coach of arguably the most successful international sporting team in human history as told of how he considers his team to be the perennial underdogs of world rugby. All Blacks coach Ian Foster explained that after the Wallabies' electric draw against Argentina over the weekend, that makes his team the underdog. "The draw between the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local bloke Ryan Hayes was one of the lucky few who were able to squeeze in a holiday before the virus hit - a point of which he’s been able to slot into almost every conversation. It’s alleged the thirty-year-old had spent a couple of weeks exploring Paris when his trip was subsequently cut short. Though he’d been largely...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Though she spent a solid twenty years complaining about her children, local mum Liz Campbell now finds herself with too much time on her hands, and not enough activities to do. Like most women her age, Liz grew up in a time when a household could be supported solely by one income, resulting in one spouse being the breadwinner,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Central Betoota was the sight of an enormous gesture of friendship today as loyal mates of Riley Burrows (29) came forward to support him after his girlfriend Lydia Varney (30), made the right decision and left him earlier today. “That’s fucked,” Burrow’s mate Braden Gillespie (28) responded on the group chat, despite the fact he clearly understands why. “Lyds...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that a particularly tough pan or pot is best left to soak in lukewarm soapy water for up to three days, or until it becomes someone elses problem. "It doesn't matter who's problem it becomes, as long as it is no longer your problem" says lead researcher, Professor Artie Mogg. The research...