The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Sydney Roosters have completely ruined every multibet in Australia after they went down to the Canberra Raiders overnight in the Harbour City. In a close 20-24 contest, the green boys came from behind to secure a clutch win against the Roosters, who were left wondering where everything went wrong as the full-time bell sounded. As...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's been nearly six months since Fred Dalton has mashed a service station egg sandwich down his gullet. The unremarkable 29-year-old said he liked getting them at the end of the day, because the bread had more time to soak up the flavour. "I've had the finish stripped off my lower digestive season more times than...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The 'Pharaoh of the Betoota Pool Building Industry' has told reporters today that he's yet to find a better Facebook display picture than the one of him and singer-songwriter Richard Clapton. Dennis Gooch, owner of Gooch Noodle & Pool, said the photo was taken in 2016 or 2017 and since then, it's been unbeatable. The father...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After a gentleman who tested positive to the pangolin's wrath paid a visit to Sydney's other casino, the state health authority demanded the premises be deep cleaned. Those cleaners were asked, according to sources within the gaming empire, to scrub up everything - except for the casino's books and the political donations they make to...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Tributes have begun trickling in for disgraced socialite Ghislaine Maxwell ahead of her scheduled untimely passing later this week. Maxwell, the former girlfriend of billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein who committed 'suicide,' was to face charges of procuring girls as young as 14 for Epstein and his rock spider mates, although the scheduling conflict of her own impending passing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Somewhere in China lives a man with the nation's lowest social credit score. And there's a man in Betoota Heights who dreams of one day having a beer with him. "I bet he's such a fuckwit, it'd be so interesting," said Geoff Swayne, a semi-retired businessman from Betoota Heights. "He'd probably insult me, call me names. Spit...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man disgraced himself last night by adding some of his own spice combinations to a tried and tested Donna Hay. To his defence, Mark David said the lid came off the garlic powder when he went to add 'just a dash' to the stir fry he was making for the family. "I got...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It’s the dark secret of every Gucci-bumbag hipster on campus at Betoota's Western Queensland University, one that they try desperately to cover. But no matter how greasy they let their hair get, how much they scuff the RMs or how many analogue cigarettes they roll a day, they can never escape the fact that they the vague stories...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local Year 12 student almost caved in and downloaded the Government's COVIDSafe app last month but baulked due to security concerns. Today, the prolific TikTok user feels vindicated in her decision not to follow the crowd and put that dodgy, useless application on her phone. "They said they were going to release the source code,"...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Melbourne high school teacher has told The Advocate today that he's not sure if his hatred for teaching online outweighs his fear of getting kissed by the pangolin at school and dying because of it. Glenn Taylor, who used to teach Extention Mathematics at St Aneurysm's High School in Betoota Heights, said he's not...