The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Malcolm Turnbull told The Advocate today that wife Lucy had 'damn near twisted his arm off' about getting the boathouse redone and thanks to Scott Morrison's new HomeBuilder scheme, it seems he's run out of excuses. "Thanks a lot, ScoMo," laughed Turnbull. The former Prime Minister joined as for an amicable chat that went just a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has received the double thumbs up from the young blokes of his Sydney electorate today after announcing a key economic stimulus package aimed at tradies and homeowners. While the construction industry was already trucking along fine, Scott Morrison confirmed speculation that his government would be providing $25 000 grants to homeowners who...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The NSW Premier lightly headbutted her office wall this afternoon after the state's police force has yet again been caught doing something illegal. "I mean, why do I even bother," she said seconds before butting the sandstone. "Like, 'Oh, here you go Micko. He's a nice big pay rise. I'm probably going to get a truckload...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's most prolific copper thieves is 'proud as punch' today after seeing an NBN road crew in the French Quarter putting some of the wire he stole to good use. David John Schumacker, who is known to police, told our reporters that it's nice to know you're contributing in a positive way...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Universities around the nation are struggling due to the coronavirus crisis and many have begged the Federal Government to at least treat them like a private school. Each year, Australian private and independent schools receive over $3.3bn worth of taxpayer funding. "Private school parents pay tax, too," said the Prime Minister Scott Morrison today in Sydney. "In...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact US Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has locked down the critical Motown vote by stepping out today in Michael Jackson's iconic fedora - which effortlessly matches the face mask the Delawarean has been sporting in recent days. "Shamon!" grunted Biden as he got out of his motorcade. "Ahhhhh! A-wooo! C'mon girl! Ah-hoo!" "Aherrg!" The crowd went wild. "Okay! Okay! Everybody...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The general public has reacted with enthusiasm today to news that this coming Wednesday has been cancelled by order of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. The decision, which affects the UK, Australia and all other Commonwealth countries; even the shit ones, actually started at the Betoota Wash ‘n’ Wax ‘n’ Body Piercings. Staff members...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact “Like, what is he even going to do without you, Steph?” asked best friend Liz Wilshire, while consoling a recently single and very upset Steph Button. “I actually just feel sorry for him.” Steph and her now ex-boyfriend Jamie had been dating for about 3 years when Jamie decided...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact US President Donald Trump's idle threat to deploy the military to help quell scores of protests around the country has all but been guaranteed after large deposits of oil were discovered beneath the protests themselves. Speaking in the White House's Rose Garden earlier today, Trump explained that he's putting America first and securing their oil...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The despised stamp duty on major purchases such as real estate and cars is set to be slashed by over 99.98% as state governments switch to a much cheaper source of ink. Stamp duty varies between states, with the average for real estate purchases being around 5% of the purchase price, while the stamp...