The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has laughed off suggestion that the nation's many industries that depend heavily on exports will be worse off under a new plan to redirect trade from China to Great Britain. "Let them eat, Australian beef, pork and lamb!" said Scott Morrison. "Let them make their shithouse beers with Australian barley! Let them sun...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Sitting outside what many in Sydney consider to be the best example of a pub in the whole of New South Wales, local man Nicolas Adamos sighed and kicked the dirt beneath his feet. The Ettamogah Pub, in Sydney's leafy and exclusive enclave of Kellyville Ridge, has been shut for months and that's all but...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has shrugged off speculation he's been kissed by the pangolin today by telling our reporters that he's suffered random coughing fits like the one we all saw today in the past. Mr Frydenberg spoke briefly to The Advocate via telephone this afternoon where he explained that him being tested for the pension's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Chancellor of the highly-regarded South Betoota Polytechnic College has begged the Prime Minister to let his international students return to class before he gets desperate. Derek Hutchinson AM BEc JD (Betoota) said the entire university system in the Queensland Channel Country was geared towards exchanging largely useless tertiary qualifications for large sums of money...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After staying away for many nights over the past 17 years looking, the Prime Minister has finally found that catchy track that was his favourite way back in 2003. "Jumping Jai Taurima! I've found it!" said Scott Morrison. "Hello by the Cat Empire! Thank you, God! Thank you!" When asked why he was so excited by the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prominent broadcaster Alan Jones is retiring and his 2GB station-mate Ben Fordham is set to replace him. As Alan begins his descent into obscurity, Fordham has to decide between kissing Alan's ring, skinning his career's corpse then simply wearing that skin to work each day and pretend to be him - or take that ring...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has suddenly realised this morning, to his horror, that he has to try to get the nation back on track without taxing the rich or big business fairly. While enjoying his usual morning cup of spearmint tea, he suffered the moment of clarity. "Fuck," he whispered into the steam "What the fuck am I...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our small desert community's most wealthy residents has lashed out at the Federal Government today after they've continued their hard line on China in theses trying times. Wallace John Pearson, a semi-retired property developer, said his company didn't donate thousands to the Liberal Party to be treated like this. The 76-year-old owns a number...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite nobody in the Betoota Shire Council receiving the kiss of death from the vengeful pangolin, two young women from our town's north spent yesterday one-upping each other over who's the most essential right now. Local teacher Denise Coleman and Betoota Base Hospital nurse Annie Redpath were sat next to each other a four-person iso-busting...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The youth of Australia are breathing a collective sigh of relief today after police forces across the country announced that mainies are considered essential travel. The ‘mainie’, a complex manoeuvre involving driving from one end of the local Main Street to the other, possibly multiple times, has long been a favourite past-time of those who are suddenly old enough...