The Nation

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has unwittingly caused major drama for herself after complaining about a minor grievance to the wrong person, it’s reported. Tegan Port tells our reporter that she’d had a bad run-in with a hairdresser. After having a whinge with a couple of mates who gently suggested she try and get her money back or...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the nation's politicians frantically doing their best to try and save the economy as it crashes onto the rocks of late-stage capitalism, the influencer industry looks set to benefit today. With hundreds of billions of dollars in stimulus packages being announced over the last couple of days, the nation's Head of Marketing has today revealed what the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I think it's a bit dramatic, what they're all saying," he said. "You know, not everyone who owns property or has a mortgage is a Baby Boomer. There's plenty of young people out there with property. Are they saying they should be executed, too?" French Quarter real estate agent Darcy 'Frogstomp' Smith said he's confused as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to find something other than this stupid fucking bat flu to report on, our reporter spoke briefly to one of The Advocate's staff photographers who'd been lucky enough to complete a beach holiday before all this horrible shit started to happen. In January, just after the cricket was over, Marc Walker said...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Hey!" "Put it back on the news, fuck ya!" From his repurposed breakfast nook, a French Quarter barrister's voice is almost gone from yelling at his kids after they change the kitchen tv down or god forbid - to a different channel. Roger Dalton, who refers to his office as 'chambers', says he's only able to work...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As nations begin rapidly begin to reassess their place in the world, our neighbours across the ditch have decided against being the progressive humanitarians they normally are on one big issue today. Speaking at a press conference this morning, New Zealand's Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has confirmed that its offer to take stateless asylum seekers off Australia's hands...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though it's only until June 30, Rugby Australia's CEO Raelene Castle couldn't hide her emotions as she set the sporting codes marketing pigeon free this morning in Sydney. With a large net, an umbrella and the assistance of the Michael Hooper, Castle was able to corner the terrified bird in a fire escape at Rugby's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If there's two things Martin Apron hates more than his last name, it's immigrants and inner-city lefties. The former forced the 38-year-old to join his local boxing gym because he did his research and there's gangs of African-Australian teenagers out to get him. He wishes he could just buy a gun, like he says you...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's young workers have smiled and nodded in the government's direction today after putting their collective hands up to add the latest bailouts to their generational tab. Millennials were already going to have to pay for the ageing population's welfare, they say. Adding another $320 billion makes almost zero difference to their professional lives...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of youngsters from our town's upper-middle-class have riddled themselves why the current rate of community coronavirus transmissions keep rising while they enjoyed an illegal picnic last night in Machattie Park. "It's scary," said one of them. "Like, people are starting to catch it from other people now." The rate of coronavirus infections in the Channel...