The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If there's two things Martin Apron hates more than his last name, it's immigrants and inner-city lefties. The former forced the 38-year-old to join his local boxing gym because he did his research and there's gangs of African-Australian teenagers out to get him. He wishes he could just buy a gun, like he says you...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's young workers have smiled and nodded in the government's direction today after putting their collective hands up to add the latest bailouts to their generational tab. Millennials were already going to have to pay for the ageing population's welfare, they say. Adding another $320 billion makes almost zero difference to their professional lives...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of youngsters from our town's upper-middle-class have riddled themselves why the current rate of community coronavirus transmissions keep rising while they enjoyed an illegal picnic last night in Machattie Park. "It's scary," said one of them. "Like, people are starting to catch it from other people now." The rate of coronavirus infections in the Channel...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has finally found peace this morning amid the chaos surrounding the coronavirus outbreak by thanking his old foe Peter Dutton for ruining his life 585 days ago. As he sat in his canary yellow sea kayak in Sydney Harbour, Malcolm placed a phone call to the Christmas Island detention centre...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's most experienced residents has lashed out at the 'young bastard' running the country, telling The Advocate that he won't let some 'yahoo' tell him what he can and cannot do. For over 70 years now, Derek Greenplow has marched to the beat of his own drum. But the current coronavirus crisis as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A melon-coloured Ralph Lauren polo shirt has told The Advocate - and many people around it that now is not the time to start investing in the share market. There is more pain to come, it says. Unsolicited financial advice often comes from pastel-coloured polo shirts, typically when the collar is in the upright position but...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The entire staff at the Diamantina's premier fashion magazine are working from home indefinitely - but that doesn't mean the everyday challenges of working at in such a high-pressure have gone away. April Day, the marketing manager at House, Home & Mortgage Magazine, is treading a fine line this morning between a potential social media...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact As the Australian public moves towards the lockdown, the government does not seem remotely interested in giving a go, panic buying has eased as most people wonder what the fuck to do with all these chickpeas. One person who may result to a second wave of panic buying is Gatorade saxophonist virtuoso Charlie McNeil (29) who can’t seem to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Bubble of Bondi prepares for literally, the most inconvenient weekend ever, the nation has today asked if the area could be fenced off entirely. The request comes after Bondi Beach was fenced off, to prevent mass gatherings, as seen last weekend when 20,000 morons decided it was a good idea to go and spread the coronavirus....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Boys, don't know how much longer I can do this," he joked. Deep in his core, Mark Randle knew he could do whatever 'this' is for as long as it took to vanquish the Pangolin's Kiss - he just said that for a laugh. And the boys did laugh. "Cheers, guys!" he said, tapping his tumbler of...