The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man has been able to calm himself down today after getting himself worked up over the coronavirus by changing one small thing in his morning routine. Dennis Pearson, an out-of-work line cook at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club, said he feels a lot better in the morning if he doesn't start the day...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's highest-earners are set to lose another thing they cherish this year to the 'largely annoying' coronavirus. Skiing, both domestically and internationally, will probably be ruined this year by the pangolin's revenge - that's according to one of Betoota Grove's most average-looking people. Colin Greenbauer, a charming plump local protestant with veneers, explained that skiing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A farmer out on the Betoota City Limits has welcomed the decent drop of rain he got earlier this week but he couldn't help but ask Huey why he also had to take every bit of flood fencing on his place. From his small-acre sheep farm, Rob Davling spoke to The Advocate while he sat...

"Where do you wanna go? I can waive the cash payment if you leave me ya car."

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Once upon a time, a breeding pair of ageing Queenslanders could book a spot on a cruise ship and only expect to end up shitting their brains out in the comfort of their room. Barry and Joan Taylor of Betoota Heights look back on days like that with fond memories and feel sad knowing that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local dog walker has been able to confirm to The Advocate this morning that a full Kiwi-style lockdown is imminent because his aunt is mates with the bloke who cleans the Prime Minister's office. Speaking candidly to our reporter this morning in Machattie Park, Ben Doolan, who lives in our town's Free Town district,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact David Smith drives a forklift at the essential factory in Betoota Ponds, where they essentially make essentials for essentials workers to stay safe from what can essentially be described as the COVID-19 virus. The 31-year-old essential worker says he's just happy to still be in the job, because his job is largely essential to his...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Covid-19 Crisis continues to worsen, the world's Under 50s have today urged the Boomer population to remember how much of an effort everyone is making in the face of a life-threatening global crisis. With the bottom still a long long way off, and a bookmark put in the Climate Change chapter of recorded modern human history,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister's speechwriter has told The Advocate this morning that he wonders why he even bothers going to work anymore because Scotty rarely sticks to the script he gives him. "I mean, I go to so much effort to make him sound articulate and intelligent and he trips over the pronunciation of 'barre' for...

At 5:57 p.m on March the 13th, Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton revealed he had tested positive for coronavirus, becoming the country’s 156th confirmed case.