The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I'm sick of being told by poor people that Angus and I would be the first type of people against the wall when society collapses in on itself," she said. "That doesn't even make sense; I don't even know what that means," "I'm just wondering because we had a holiday booked at Noosa and we can't...

With the doubling of the Newstart allowance and Australia's sudden need for prison fitness regimes, Ghost is now climbing his way out of the cycle.

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The government is now handing out extra payments to people in society who are the most likely to spend it on things they don't need. Students under the age of 24. Young people do stupid things all the time, it's a part of being young. One stupid thing that the government hopes young people will do...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man, who at the age of 29, decided a year living in London would cure his existential problems has admitted for the first time this morning that things haven't really gone to plan. Oscar Hargraves, of Riverridge Circuit in our town's leafy north, said that many other young Australian men and women...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "After what happened on Bondi Beach the other day," said the Prime Minister. "I have no choice but to close down everything. Pubs, clubs, cafes, restaurants. Closed." The nation is today thanking the people of Bondi for ruining everything after they decided the social distancing rules didn't apply to them because they have more money than...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a similar vein to press conferences all weekend, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has today smiled, nodded and said something patronising when asked about Prime Minister Scott Morrison's latest announcements. This follows the Prime Minister and the Victorian and NSW Premiers going toe to toe on a number of issues, including whether schools should be closed. The Prime...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Grove man who's father has largely told him to pull his noodle-armed body up by its bootstraps as been forced to eat some humble pie this morning as he lined up for unemployment benefits after losing his job. Rutland Greene-Smith was working casually three-times-a-week as a bartender at a French Quarter pub until...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Coalition government has hit back at criticism that they haven't been including the Opposition in their plan to combat the coronavirus today by explaining that Labor leader Anthony Albanese is more than welcome to attend Emergency National Cabinet Meetings as long as he's happy sitting on the floor. "Albo is more than welcome to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A range of multi-billion-dollar companies have put their caps in their hands this morning as they make the quick trip down to Canberra today to beg the Prime Minister not to let them fail. For legal reasons, The Advocate cannot say which airlines, banks, investment funds, energy companies, mining operators and other largely lucrative business...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the nation continues to try and figure out exactly what everyone should be doing other than just staying at home, rideshare and taxi drivers around the country are freaking the fuck out. This comes as people returning from overseas or interstate frantically pour out of airports and into their vehicles on the way to self-isolating for 14...