The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As world markets dive and splutter more violently than they did in the lead up to the 2007 global financial crisis, one of the ABC's most trusted voices of reason has told viewers this morning to retrieve their firearms and learn how to use them. "You're going to want to aim for the centre mass,"...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Treasurer Josh Frydenberg screamed his little Victorian lungs out this morning after learning two Betoota Heights battlers revealed their plan to put the savings received from the Reserve Bank rate cut yesterday into their high-interest savings accounts. "Nooooo!!!" he said in his best outside voice while inside the Treasury Office in Canberra. "You fucking idiots!...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rugby union is set to experience an extreme drop in attendance figures in coming weeks as fears surrounding the troublesome coronavirus grip the sport's community. The gaggle of pointy-headed former private schoolboys on the Rugby Australia board held an emergency meeting today to try and work through a solution with the code's hemispherical government body,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rue de Branlette between Parc de Doigté and the Statue de Clochard Endormi in the French Quarter have been closed this morning after a mass blinding disaster involving a hideous polo shirt. Witnesses who survived looking at the shirt unscathed have said it was one of the ugliest things they've ever seen. One onlooker said the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Angus Taylor has retreated once again to the Liberal Party storm shelter as yet another cloud over his conduct and actions as come overhead. In his position as federal energy minister, Mr Taylor has seen a number of rather serious controversies involving his name gain inches in newspapers across the country. From accusing the City of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A gathering of Betoota's greatest upper-middle-class thinkers has today resulted in an incredibly awkward couple of minutes, after a local Indigenous representative's cultural ritual of welcoming the guests to the Aboriginal land they were meeting on. The long-irrelevant campaign activists group StandUp! - who meet in Betoota's Flight Path District every couple of months to discuss how they can...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A first-year politics student at South Betoota Polytechnic College has told The Advocate this afternoon that he's taking the coronavirus threat 'very seriously' and he's taken steps to prepare himself for the worst. 19-year-old student Samuel Jensen, of Betoota Heights, said he went down to the shops this afternoon to stock up on essentials just...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Popular Nationals backbencher Barnaby Joyce has spoken of his struggle to live without the desire to white-ant the government at every available moment during Lent today. As one of Parliament's most outspoken Catholics, Mr Joyce explained to the media today that each year he gives up something he really enjoys. Some years are more difficult...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The 2022 Mardi Gras festival is kicking off in Sydney this weekend but the love and pride is being felt and shared Australia wide, with people and businesses alike showing their support for the LGBTQI community by embracing the rainbow colours synonymous with the community.  In an attempt to show their wokeness and make people believe they actually give a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman has today taken a gamble and lost, after popping a pimple she deemed ‘a sure thing.’ Jasmine Haynes had been repulsed at first by the sight of the large, red mound pulsating on her chin but says she’d quickly accepted the zit when she noticed the bright yellow head - meaning it was ripe...