The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local private wealth manager has been rehearsing her part in the inevitable phonecall she's going to have to make today to explain to her clients that going to the snow this year might be a bad financial idea. From her desk in our town's Old City District, Libby Tyler, a portfolio manager at Tyler...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I think he's misunderstood a lot of the time," he said. "If you follow AFL, like you know what's going on in the day to day, what Sam does is actually pretty on point and funny. People from New South Wales and Queensland just don't get it." A Melbourne man who moved to our state's far...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter finance worker has spent this afternoon telling his colleagues about a popular cafe chain back home in his native England, explaining to them that he misses it. Jame Cole, a polite but largely forgettable Londoner who works at the Diamantina Credit Union in some capacity, told coworkers that he used to duck...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some sad news for Sydney's organised crime figures and those who benefit from being associated with them, the city's underworld is on its knees today. This comes after yet another devastating hit of underage strip searches over the weekend, with another 44 children being forced to expose themselves at the Good Life Festival. With the already struggling organised...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Like many people, Renee Childs reportedly went through an awkward phase that has haunted her ever since.  Save for the lucky few bastards who somehow managed to be attractive straight from the birth canal, Renee grew to accept that her years of braces, pimples and bad hair were just a rite of passage. But this hasn’t stopped...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A mildly-unpopular local farm boy has come clean with himself today and revealed he's actually pretty useless at almost everything. Max Reardon told our reporter this afternoon that for far too long he's operated under the well-conceived notion that all men who grew up on a farm are good at things - both practical and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Minister for Home Affairs has put forward the suggestion that the common practice of taping over a webcam should be made illegal in the interest of national security. Peter Dutton also outlined the need for him to see your cock. "By covering your webcam, you are preventing the Home Affairs office from seeing your cock,"...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has suggested Australians who are still feeling dismayed at the demise of Holden this week should look to the nation's cricket team for inspiration and support. Speaking to the media this morning in Sydney, Scott Morrison said his office has been inundated with messages of grief over the carmaker's decision to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights petrolhead has announced this afternoon that he plans to put the Holden badge back on his Chevrolet Commodore today in order to pay respect to the iconic carmaker who earlier this week decided to pull out of the right-hand-drive market. Awash with feelings of guilt and pangs of regret, Damien Leary admitted...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It might only be Thursday but the Silly Season is still pumping here on the fringe of the Simpson Desert and to celebrate the lovely weather today, the big wigs down at Claypoonz Ellimint & Hecksdet decided to give their entire staff a half-day. While some went for a light jog and others to their...