The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man who was once described by this newspaper as a 'degenerate drug user' has justified the purchase of a used set of golf clubs today by telling himself it cost less than a gram of cocaine. Until he was caught by police at The Gelded Seahorse Hotel last year with a gram of low-grade...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation woke to push notifications this morning from the ABC that lead them to an article which claimed Bridget McKenzie, who's currently at the centre of controversy surrounding a $100m pre-election sports club grant slush fund, had even given a club she's a member of a giant grant. However, Nationals leader Michael McCormack...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As several high-ranking Federal cabinet ministers are refusing to stand down over claims of unethical dealings which verge on full blown corruption, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today addressed the nation's concerns. Senator Bridget McKenzie is under fire for handing out $100 million worth of community sports grant program to sporting clubs in marginal electorates, as well as...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Heights plumber Toby Johnstone had to quarantine himself on Sunday. Loaded up with a big food delivery drop off and a season of the Office (American version) loaded up, the 27-year-old man locked himself down after contracting a dangerous virus. "Haha yeah," laughed the Betoota Dolphins backrower who picked up the virus on Sunday morning after ploughing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The pigeons who run the nation's premier domestic T20 cricket competition have hit back at claims attendance is falling at the games, telling The Advocate that "it's pretty fucking rich" for other sporting codes to criticise them. Brett O'Hoolman, a 45-year-old crested pigeon with a great amount of sports marketing experience, has been working for...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has shut down suggestion the $100m pre-election sports grant slush fund may have been used inappropriately by asking reporters a question of his own. Scott Morrison, who previously worked in marketing, asked journalists and reporters from the nation's many media empires how his beloved Cronulla Ultimate Frisbee Club would pay for things...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "This is getting expensive!" he laughed. "But, you know, it's like car rego and insurance. You just have to pay it and move on!" Today marks the second time embattled federal energy minister, Angus Taylor, has had to hand-deliver a carton of New to one of his National Party cousins. He spoke to reporters at the entrance...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a second brazen abuse of her position of power, Nationals Senator Bridget Mckenzie has today asked fire chiefs to prioritise the protection of homes of voters in marginal seats. The former Sports Minister's blatant attempt to serve the interests of herself and her party above all else, come after revelations she gave 100 million dollars worth of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Grove man who terrorised his entire year group - as well as many younger pupils and teachers - is coming off as a massive creep these days as he tries to rebrand as a good person. Only his parent's private wealth and connections prevented Matthew Legstrong from being asked to leave The Whooton...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A polite but quiet young man who works in the building opposite The Advocate's Daroo Street newsroom said he's enjoying a renewed lust for life today as he replays his only straight drive from the weekend in his mind. One of Debit Ecosse's senior network engineers, Ian Lau, spoke candidly to our reporter on the...