The Nation

Inner City Sexagenerian Not About To Let A “Total Fire Ban” Ruin Today’s Barbeque Plans

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "What's going to catch on fire here? This building is made from Diamantina sandstone," he laughed. "I pay my rates, I pay my taxes. I get my franking credits and I use them to stimulate the economy. I'm not a bad person. This total fire ban across the state is just silly. We're in the...

Non-Christian City Worker Observes And Respects Traditional Office Christmas Party Celebrations

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from the inner-city who is not religious in any way has sent the past fortnight respectfully observing the dozen or so Christmas parties he's been to. Peter Santosh, of the French Quarter, is not a Christian. He's never prayed to whoever the Christian God is. Nor has he ever really prayed to any...

Thoughtful Plane Passenger Shuns Tradition And Doesn’t Piss Directly Onto The Floor

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A passenger on a long-haul flight from Betoota to Singapore has had an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness this evening after one of her fellow economy passengers actually pissed in the toilet bowl rather than on the floor surrounding the toilet. Speaking to The Advocate via the airline’s in flight wifi network, Jessie Burton explains to our reporter just how...

Regional Pub Cook Rebrands As Chef To See If Anyone Will Stop Him

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving the PM’s sentiment that if you want a go you’ll get one, a regional pub cook has taken maters into his own tatted hands. Danny Lynch (36) has been a cook at the Betoota Railway Hotel for seven years and in that time he has served many a smile and undersalted chip to the bar’s regulars. But like many...

Scott Morrison Quashes Hawaii Rumours With Visit To Bushfire-Ravaged Community

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Egg is on the face of every major news media outlet this afternoon because Scott Morrison put to bed rumours he's in Hawaii on holiday by visiting a Blue Mountains community recently devasted by bushfire. The Prime Minister visited the Bilpin, Mount Tomah and Mountain Lagoon areas after lunch today to see first hand what...

Liberal Party Really Starting To Wish These Old Fire Chiefs Would Be Quiet Australians

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Liberal Party has today hit out at the 'very noisy' old fire chiefs causing a bit of a song and dance about the bushfires currently ravaging the country. This follows the group of former emergency services chiefs announcing that they will go it alone and convene an 'Emergency Summit' themselves if the Liberal-National Coalition continue to do...

Jesus Confirms His Old Man Can’t Help Scotty From Marketing With His Bushfire Problem

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A spokesman for the Kingdom of Heaven has confirmed reports that God cannot help Scott Morrison with the bushfires raging on all corners of the nation and that he's going to have to do something himself. Jesus Christ, who's been working with the Kingdom for nearly two thousand years, explained to the media this morning...

Exciting $2.96B Light Rail Briefly Distracts NSW From Fires Outmatching A $146.7M RFS Budget

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The people of New South Wales, all of whom appear to live between Randwick and Circular Quay are today enjoying brief reprieve from the bushfires that have been ravaging the outskirts of Sydney and mid-North coast. This comes as the $2.9 billion CBD and South East light rail opened to the public for the first time on Saturday...

Jetstar Cancels Flights Before Passengers Get To The Airport For A Change

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's least favourite air carrier has gifted the nation with an early Christmas present this year, telling some passengers due to fly in January that their flights are cancelled. This breaks Jetstar's usual protocol of letting people get to the airport first before telling them that they won't be flying anywhere today, which is...

Local Woman Begins Campaign To Get Everyone To Start Referring To Boyfriend By His First Name

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT " His names Tom guys," said local girlfriend Sarah Simmons at a popular French Quarter rooftop bar yesterday. The jovial yet firm claim comes as the brand manager at a small boutique firm in the old city district began her campaign to have her boyfriend's nickname put to bed. Tom, or the man known as 'Nugget' to...

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