The Nation

Angus Taylor Admits City Of Sydney Much Harder To Tamper Than An Irrigation Water Meter

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Energy Minister Angus Taylor put his hands up and laughed at a morning press conference in Canberra today, sheepishly telling reporters that as it turns out, the City of Sydney is much harder to tamper with compared to an irrigation water meter. "You just have to pop them open and dial the numbers back -...

“Somehow Still Cheaper Than Sydney,” Laughs Tourist Buying Round Of Cold Beers In Reykjavik

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man who's still sick with the travel bug bought a round of beers last night for some new friends in a Reykjavik pub. Mark Roland described the scene to The Advocate this morning, telling our reporter he'd only been in the country a few hours before he decided it was too cold to...

Retired Sporting Great Turned Banker Does Job And Adds Sporting Anecdote To Client Meeting

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Laughing off a suggestion he's the Rob Quiney of the Olympic canoeing K-4 1000 metres event, Mike Rocter said he was just happy to have the opportunity to represent his country at the highest level. "No, seriously, guys," he said, swatting the air with his giant hands. "Rob Quiney is arguably the best bloke to ever...

WeWork Hotdesker Happy Not To Have The Most Ridiculous Business Idea In The Building For Once

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local entrepreneur is smiling this morning because, for a change, his business isn't the most ridiculously-valued one in our town's French Quarter WeWork coworking space. The US company was valued at up to A$70bn earlier this quarter. It's now roughly worth A$11bn. A disastrous few weeks by any measure, analysts say. Connor Greenwhit, a...

Dishevelled 19-Year-Old Sheepishly Asks If Business Class Is Full

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Flap-clapping in a well-worn pair of thongs, the muffled swift of his torn tracksuit pants in the wind. His bronze frequent flyer card in his hand, wedged on top of his passport. Local man Darcy Michael has been in Europe for the past 90 days and he told The Advocate this morning local time that he...

Young Professional Lies And Says She Actually Always Wanted To Be Miranda

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local young professional has today lied to her colleagues and the world at large, by claiming she always wanted to be Miranda. Referring to the popular tv show Sex and The City, the legal graduate at a large recognisable to people in the industry firm called Minties & Allens explained that she actually never wanted to...

Aussies Urged To Save Water During Drought By Continuing To Shun Light Beer

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Australian farmers continue to battle the ravages of drought, the National Farmer’s Federation has called on Australians to help drought-affected farmers by saving water. Whilst many of the measures suggested involve changes to everyday life, the easiest measure to adopt could be the one that makes the most difference. “All we are asking is that Australians continue to...

Drought And Fire Ravaged Firey Wards Off Bank Manager By Revealing He’s Applied For $6k Package

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a feel-good story from regional Australia, a local farmer has managed to hold on to his property for another month at least. This comes after Bill Walters managed to pay the mortgage with some vague promises of policy and action, rather than the traditional hard currency payment he usually makes. "Mate, what a relief," said Walters to...

Sydney University Colleges Rush To Offer Misogynistic School Boys Full Scholarships

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The controversial group of schoolboys from St Kevins have received some better news today. The group who made headlines for a sexist chant on a public tram packed full of commuters have been informed that Sydney University is offering them full scholarships for their residential colleges! In what seemed something close to consequences for their actions, the...

Middle Aged Concreter’s Eels Flag To Fly At Half Mast After News Picture Mag Is Winding Up

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local tradie has paid a touching tribute to the iconic Picture magazine today. After news broke that the magazine would be winding up at the end of the year, 44-year-old concreter Jason Thomas decided to pay his respects by flying his Eeels flag at half-mast. "It's fucked mate," said the Betoota Heights local who is still recovering...

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