The Nation

Chinese Spy Tasked With Infiltrating The Nats Learns To Fly Plane, Ride Horse, Fuck His Woman

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An International business student turned spy for the People's Republic of China isn't a country boy. He knows the ins and outs of agriculture, he can tell the difference between Santas and Droughties. But you need to know more than that to join the Nationals. So the 25-year-old student, Zhang 'Brett' Wei, is going to country...

Student Proudly Stating He Hasn’t Studied For His Leaving Exams Thinks That’s Cool

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Someone's spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to get him to where he is. His teachers have spent thousands of hours educating him. Eddie Pearson has been given every advantage in his short life but he plans to throw it all in the bin. Students across Betoota have started their final studies for the high...

Brand New Jeep Does A Record 146km Before The Engine Light Comes On

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man who clearly has rocks inside his head where his brain should be laughed off that very suggestion earlier this month after signing a 5-Year no deposit finance agreement with his local Jeep dealership. Coupled with a 40% balloon payment at the end of the loan, Betoota Heights town planner Michael Butler couldn't help...

Chinese Spy Tasked With Infiltrating KAP Forced To Learn Slim Dusty’s Entire Back Catalogue

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Chinese spy moonlighting as an international student has been given the challenge of infiltrating the Katter Australia Party, which means he's effectively being forced to learn Slim Dusty's entire back catalogue. Slim released 118 records during his time on this planet. 60 studio albums, about 40 compilations, a few live albums and a handful...

Nation Should Just Get Over Having A Spy In Parliament, Says PM With One-Seat Majority

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite clear evidence that embattled Federal MP Gladys Liu has taken money from groups affiliated with the Chinese Communist Party, promised Chinese nationals who worked on her campaign a pathway to citizenship, lied about said association with the Chinese Communist Party, failing to disclose a $40,000 donation to the Liberal Party and being flagged...

Robot At The Centre Of Centrelink RoboDebt Disaster Says It Was Only Following Orders

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The robot who triggered the catastrophic RoboDebt disaster has told media this afternoon that it was only following orders as Shadow Minister for the NDIS, Bill Shorten, announced a class action into the debacle. Working for Centrelink at the time, the Robot explained that pressure came down to line to the coalface - and...

Full-Time Stay-At-Home Son’s New App: “It’s Like Uber But Clean Piss For People On Welfare”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A great lump of a man who's a constant source of immeasurable disappointment to his parents has come to them this morning with a new app idea. Xavier Frisian called his Pa into the den of his palatial Betoota Grove Edwardian revival and told his mother to wait outside. Our reporter was frozen in the adjoining...

“Absolutely No Way To Make Flights Cheaper In The Bush” Says Airline CEO Making $24m A Year

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's highest paid executive has told The Advocate this morning that there's not much that can be done to ease the cost of flying to and from the bush, despite raking in almost $24m last year in bonuses and salary. Qantas CEO Alan Joyce released a statement earlier this morning regarding the popular practice of...

Turnbull On Gladys Liu Saga: “I Don’t Care. Leave Me Alone And Stop Calling This Number”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has weighed in on the ongoing crisis within the Coalition government surrounding embattled MP Gladys Liu, telling The Advocate this morning that he doesn't care and doesn't want to be contacted by our newspaper herein. Speaking to our reporter this morning via telephone, Malcolm explained that he's retired and that...

Doctors Conclude Inhaling Anything Else But Air Is Going To Fuck Your Lungs

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After a spate of vaping-related deaths in the United States, doctors in Australia have come to the conclusion that inhaling anything else but clean air is going to fuck your lungs. That conclusion has been backed up by researchers at the prestigious South Betoota Polytechnic School of Public Health - who published a report today...

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