The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Duke of York breathed a sigh of relief last night after driving into a tunnel in Paris and making it out the other side alive. His connection to convicted American paedophile Jeffrey Epstein has thrust HM The Queen's youngest child into the spotlight recently. Palace insiders have explained to The Advocate that this has...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A considerate mate who's trying to join the police force has just realised that it's probably not a good idea for him to stick around much longer. Martin Talon (25) has always been a bit of a party boy, but recently he's made the executive decision to straighten up a bit, as he begins his training for the coppers. But...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Calls for video games to be banned have been sullied by a young doctor today after he discovered the cure to cancer by playing a popular strategy game from last century. One of Dr John Pearlman's patients was gravely ill earlier this week. Today, the popular local oncologist watched that very same patient drink 16...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter leasing agent was told there was a territorial magpie down Rue De Enculer - but he didn't care. It takes more than just a bird to worry Mark Donald. As he clip-clopped down the footpath in his scuffed Florsheims, the crotch in his plastic Tarocash trousers worn so thin it's almost skin on...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of today, no one has had to catch hands in Sydney since the extremely succesful and rational NSW lock-laws were introduced to kill off nightlife and public drunkeness. The parliamentary inquiry began in early August and heard evidence from a range of different industry professionals, including police and whingeing face surgeons who get a bit stroppy about having...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prolific shitter of the bed, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has shit the bed again after rebel MPs from his own Conservative Party voted to take control of parliamentary business away from him in the hope of delaying the October 31 Brexit deadline. Speaking outside 10 Downing Street this morning, Boris said that while his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has been busy since being booted from office, his publisher says. Busy writing his tell-all memoir about his life, all the stuff he's done and most importantly, his political rise and fall. Malcolm's memoirs are currently being edited by the same editor who's editing the memoirs of The Advocate's editor,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Like a cat being herded toward an open door it doesn't want to go through, Jenny Piggins finally got her boyfriend to clear his weekend for a surprise adventure. Many things raced through that cat's brain. Perhaps a trip down the river? Or to the Birdsville Valley vineyards? The cat, who is known to his friends,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our town's very own Andrew Wilkie is under arrest this afternoon for a string of offences related to the theft and destruction of a number of pokie machines. Betoota Heights man, Dennis Hartigan (56), appeared in the Local Court this morning charged with burglary, destruction of property and theft-related offences. The Lake Betoota fisherman allegedly...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Cricket Australia has launched an internal investigation this morning after selector Trevor Hohns had the side mirrors kicked off his rented Audi last night in Manchester. One of the prime suspects, however, has told media this morning that he's got 'no idea' who the culprit is. Usman Khawaja was dropped from the squad heading into the...