The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of today, no one has had to catch hands in Sydney since the extremely succesful and rational NSW lock-laws were introduced to kill off nightlife and public drunkeness. The parliamentary inquiry began in early August and heard evidence from a range of different industry professionals, including police and whingeing face surgeons who get a bit stroppy about having...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prolific shitter of the bed, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has shit the bed again after rebel MPs from his own Conservative Party voted to take control of parliamentary business away from him in the hope of delaying the October 31 Brexit deadline. Speaking outside 10 Downing Street this morning, Boris said that while his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has been busy since being booted from office, his publisher says. Busy writing his tell-all memoir about his life, all the stuff he's done and most importantly, his political rise and fall. Malcolm's memoirs are currently being edited by the same editor who's editing the memoirs of The Advocate's editor,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Like a cat being herded toward an open door it doesn't want to go through, Jenny Piggins finally got her boyfriend to clear his weekend for a surprise adventure. Many things raced through that cat's brain. Perhaps a trip down the river? Or to the Birdsville Valley vineyards? The cat, who is known to his friends,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our town's very own Andrew Wilkie is under arrest this afternoon for a string of offences related to the theft and destruction of a number of pokie machines. Betoota Heights man, Dennis Hartigan (56), appeared in the Local Court this morning charged with burglary, destruction of property and theft-related offences. The Lake Betoota fisherman allegedly...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Cricket Australia has launched an internal investigation this morning after selector Trevor Hohns had the side mirrors kicked off his rented Audi last night in Manchester. One of the prime suspects, however, has told media this morning that he's got 'no idea' who the culprit is. Usman Khawaja was dropped from the squad heading into the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Friendly Tasmanian Tim Paine, who also captains the Australian Test Cricket Team, has been cleared to lead the tourists into the fourth Test starting tomorrow night local time. It was feared that the Hobartanese wicketkeeper had rocks inside his head where his brain should be after setting a number of very unorthodox fields at Headingly....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact England's greatest export to the world, Rick Stein, has a new cooking show coming to the small screen across the country this summer - and it's more of what local audiences love. Rick's Holiday has been commissioned by Stan, the country's only locally-owned streaming service, and is set to feature Rick in exotic locations all...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact People do things for no reason all the time. This year, Megan Holmes got a David Jones American Express card for no reason. The popular solicitor and captain of the Betoota Heights Veronica's Netball team was asked by two friends over lunch today when she went to pay her share of the Mexican. "Oh wow, why...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In news from Sydney, an exciting new tollway for residents of the Harbour city has been announced today. Unhappy with the numerous tolls scattered throughout Sydney, now commonly regarded as the worst city in the country, the state's Premier Gladys Berejiklian has confirmed that new 'Footpath Tolls' will grace the various walkways around the region. In the exciting...