The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local bachelor currently dating ten women has explained that he doesn't have time for people who aren't fully commited to being with him. The likeable astrophysicist explained that despite the fact he has done plenty of tongue dancing with numerous women in the last few weeks, he simply 'doesn't have time to be fooled around.' This comes after...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Someone set a bin on fire in Machattie Park last night in the French Quarter because society can go and get fucked, according a popular theory. Police established a crime scene this morning and set about searching for clues. A number of empty Schwarzkopf hairspray cans were found near the bin, suggesting that the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Lilly Westcott’s boredom at work has reached all new highs during her news scroll session this afternoon as she actually went to the effort of opening one of the articles – rather than just reading the headline like she usually does. It’s believed that Westcott was attempting to read an article on an unnamed competitor’s site who has put...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A millennial has almost vomited in her mouth this afternoon after one of her Gen Y colleagues asked if she was on Twitter. While Twitter may seem like it’s still a relevant and popular social media platform, to young Millennial’s like Tian Smeety it’s about as cool as her nan’s VHS player. “What even is Twitter?” “Why limit myself to 140...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The British Prime Minister has had his plan to suspend parliament approved by HM The Queen this week in what some political and media commentators have described as a "constitutional outrage". While British democracy blazes with the helpless intensity of uninsured tractor in a burning in a half-stripped paddock, Boris Johnson's attention turned to the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by NSW Police has found that no one has robbed a house in Griffith since the first fruit farms began operating in the mid-1930s. This comes as a surprise to outsiders, when considering the fact that Griffith appears to battle with the same social problems as any other country town in rural New South Wales. Since early...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's smallest lenders has become the first financial institution in Australia to issue a negative interest rate today after a mortgagor said he was going to 'quit his job and go travelling for a bit.' The Bank of Mum & Dad (BOMD), which lends at a rate dictated by the Reserve Bank...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An Old City District that survived two world wars, recessions, the death of the wool industry and more droughts than a school shooter finally met its match late last year and ceased trading after nearly two-hundred years of service to the community. Surprisingly, it wasn't the Tax Office that shut Daroo Street institution, The...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The entire Federal Shadow Cabinet have come together today to continue denying claims that the ALP is and or has been influenced by wealthy and important Chinese figures.  This follows revelations that the Chinese developer behind the multi-billion-dollar Gold Coast Jewel and One Circular Quay projects, Huang Xiangmo, handed over $100,000 in cash to former NSW Labor party boss Jamie...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local executive currently looking for a new car was left scratching his noodle and giggling last night after stumbling upon the e-catalogue for the new Holden Commodore. "What is this shit?" he laughed. The little tummy chuckled grew in intensity to a diaphragm-clenching wheeze. "Oh my God," coughed Mark Daley. "What is that thing? It...