The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A human of Melbourne told friends this weekend past that 'his town doesn't get out of bed for less than 40 000' after being told the National Rugby League was celebrating that number of sports fan turning up to the first game played at the new Western Sydney Stadium on Saturday. Right-Side-Up Horseshoe Ribbert-Ribbert, a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our bustling inland metropolis has welcomed her first BMW dealership today after the German carmaker opened its doors in Betoota Heights this morning. Betoota's growing population of arseholes rejoiced especially at the news, as they now have more options in what they drive. For a generation, the fuckwits, arseholes, wankers and bourgeois pigs of our town...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Scientists from the nation's biggest money pit have revealed this morning that they've discovered a perfect man, thought to be the world's first recorded example, sitting in a Yamba pub over the Easter long-weekend. Barnaby Joyce, a lobbyist for big mining and agribusiness as well as a sitting member of the House of Representatives, was...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The tragic events unfolding in the French Capital over the last week have left the people of Brisbane reeling as the remember back to a much more heartbreaking incident that took place in the city's inner-North-West one fateful night at the turn of the millennium. The iconic Notre Dame cathedral has been significantly damaged in a fire that has...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pious city worker shook his head in disgust last week as the nation's best rugby fullback took to social media to say that people who don't live right by some magical sky person will end up in a magical fire hole for all eternity. Dale Peckham, a 20-something who works in town with a...

INGRID DOULTON | Local News | Contact Local and state government workers in Betoota are preparing to down tools this afternoon until the end of the month as nearly all of them have opted to take the full 10-days over Easter. The French Quarter office of the Queensland Crown Solicitor's Office will be empty over the break - except for David...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Bill Shorten's election campaign was derailed earlier this week after the jarheaded Victorian misheard a question about superannuation, the nation's media reported. However, a number of sources from within the ALP have revealed to The Advocate that this latest stumble by Bill is all part of the plan. This time around, Labor is using the Matt...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local Baby Boomer with a penchant for baked goods has sighed long and hard this afternoon after his workplace felt it pertinent to serve up gluten-free hot cross buns this Easter. "Why?" he asked himself. For some reason, The Advocate's sales and subscription team leader purchased a round of gluten-free hot cross buns for her...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You fuck-arse fucking keepcuck!" he yelled halfway down aisle six of the French Quarter Harris Farm. "Owwwwww! Fuck! Fuck's sake! Jumping Jesus on a fucking pogostick, another fucking shirt ruined!" Two semi-retired day-shopping boomer fucks fishing for the best-looking ugly pick sweet potatoes look over at the man named Blake Mossop and frowned. He's been using a...

INGRID DOULTON | Television| Contact A sadist who moonlights at a Bachelor In Paradise producer has revealed to The Advocate that she hopes last night's same-sex hookup is enough for viewers to start taking her show seriously. Producer Tina Davis explained to our reporter that her team has been trying to come up with different ways to rejuvenate the stale hour...