The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 24-year-old local finance worker took lunch today at 1pm and he hasn't been back to the office yet. Not because he didn't want to, he says, but because he got distracted. Alasdair-John Taylor often cuts through the Old City District David Jones when he lunches at the nearby Guzman y Gomez because of the air-conditioning...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the announcement that that particular news story about something that happened in the NRL has been completely resolved, NRL CEO Todd Greenberg says he is so stoked that they can just get on with the game. "Ahhh. Glad that's behind us" said Todd Greenberg, during a media conference this morning. "Haha. I was really busy. Like, I even had...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In what political analysts have described as a watered-down version of The Green's controversial 'Death to Boomers' policy, Bill Shorten and his team of thugs were shocked to learn that their policy of removing franking credits and making changes to negative gearing legislation has polled quite well. As these policies only affect a small group...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betoota mortgage broker has miraculously survived being thrown under a bus by the banking Royal Commission this morning. In what's being described as the 'Miracle on Earl Street,' prominent local lender Davis Barker was accosted by the Commission around 8am this morning and in the resulting altercation, was thrown under the D45...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The news that flash flooding has once again hit Townsville and its surrounding towns has rattled the deep North overnight, as emergency crews work flat out to ferry people to higher ground. A new emergency alert, which went out at 12:30am this morning, warned residents in the town's Northern sububrs that properties were at risk of flash flooding due...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After a 14-month long inquiry, the nation has been informed that people doing criminal things should, in fact, face the courts. The news comes after Commissioner Kenneth Hayne handed down his final report to the government following a landmark Royal Commission into the Banking and Financial Sector. With 76 recommendations in total, Commissioner Hayne has called for those...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though he's fucked up and disappointed his mother many, many times before, a loveable but ultimately hopeless local man has made her happy this afternoon by wearing the shirt she got him for Christmas to lunch today. Dylan Speakmann, who shot to local fame in 2010 after mailing a vac-sealed feral cat he'd shot to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian is reportedly 'too scat' to front the media today with her findings from research conducted at yesterday's Laneway Festival on the grounds of Sydney College of the Arts. The unelected leader of the NSW Liberal Government says she learnt a lot of things while getting down in the nosebleed section, but won't be back to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local big time American sports fan who isn't really into low quality Australian domestic football codes, is now starting to show signs of fatigue after a rebellious 70 minute lunch break. This comes after Luke Thompson (31) decided to throw caution to the wind at lunch and have three schooners of beer over his American themed buffalo wings. "Haha....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Droves of of Townsville residents were evacuated and several others were caught in floodwaters last night after the city's dam floodgates were fully opened. The opening of the floodgates at Townsville's Ross River Dam released 1,900 cubic metres of water per second. While many residents are now left to start February living in emergency accomadation and unable to get around...