The Nation

Hawaii To Spend Approximately Fifty Bucks Re-Enacting Captain Cook’s Visit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The American Government has today announced plans to join Australia in  efforts to improve public understanding of England's intense colonisation of the Pacific. In a quick diversion from the hysteria surrounding the US Government shut down and those Catholic school kids in Washington, President Trump has today announced plans to designate $50.00 from the federal budget to pay an...

Caging Galahs Only Inhumane If They Can’t Say Swear Words On Demand

BERNICE TWISP | Entertainment| Contact A recent study commissioned by a local online activism group has concluded that keeping galahs in a cage is only cruel if they can't swear on demand for passing tourists or for the enjoyment of their owners. Citizens United Now Together (CUNT) has studied the living conditions of seven local caged galahs and have found that...

High School Leaver To Celebrate Uni Acceptance By Sweeping Up Broken Glasses At Local Pub

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Despite receiving some positive life changing news this afternoon, Ally Walsh has confirmed that she is fully prepared to have the wind taken out of her sails. The 19-year-old recent graduate from Betoota Ponds High told The Advocate today that she was over the moon about officially being accepted into a tertiary education course this morning. “Yeah, it’s fantastic news. I’m stoked to...

Pauline Hanson Briefly Confused And Angry About Australia Day Being Moved To The 28th

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the nation struggles to grapple with the complexity of a public holiday in-lieu, Pauline Hanson appears to have completely misunderstood what is happening this weekend. Fronting the media this morning, the One Nation leader has accused Scott Morrison and the Gregorian calendar of giving into left-wing pressure by moving Australia Day to the 28th of January. With the controversial...

Hot Mofo Festival To Set Hobart Alight Tomorrow

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Today and tomorrow, it's set to be an absolute scorcher in South Australia. Boring! But one summer festival in Tasmania kicks off tomorrow and it's poised to set the night sky alight across the island state. The Museum of Old and New Art's (MONA) annual Hot Mofo festival is set to start in Hobart tomorrow as temperatures...

Morrison’s Horrified Housekeeper Finds Stash Of X-Rated Captain Cook Magazines Under His Bed

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The nightwatchman has taken another hit today, after the resignation of his family housekeeper. The traumatised public servant is believed to have handed in her two weeks notice this morning after discovering a stash of adult magazines featuring the 18th-century explorer Captain Cook, under the Prime Ministers bed. This comes after the Prime Minister has faced criticism for his...

Young Byron Mum Caught Refilling Aesop Bottle With Palmolive

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One Northern Rivers online Bali-made jewellery retailer has today been forced to admit to decanting supermarket-brand hand soap into empty luxury skin care bottles. The controversial practice, known locally as Aesiphoning, is considered to be an ultimate taboo in the region, which is mostly made up of elite Sydney and Melbourne expats who don't really need to work a...

Young Labor Volunteer Mistakes University Politics For Having A Personality

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 19-year-old, who intends on spending the next four years arguing about whether or not the 100 or so other people that carry student union memberships should be entitled to discounted Subway sandwiches, appears to think that his obnoxious approach to insular university lawn debates is enough to make him appear interesting. UQ student, Jeremy Wybother, who...

All 4 Of Man’s Friends Living In London Currently Putting Snowfall On Their Instagram

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Is this supposed to impress me?" he asked nobody in particular. "Snow? I'd be on a bucks in Saudi Arabia!" Gently rocking in the breeze with a dozen name-brand party pies slowly leaving his stomach, Sam Pearson slumped back in his hammock and laughed softly to himself. He'd just flicked through his Instagram stories for the...

Popularity Of AFLW Gives Failed Athlete Dad Even More Opportunities To Live Through His Kids

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Melbourne dad who is already flogging his sons through two seperate pre-seasons for both school and club Aussie rules squads has today turned his attention to his daughter. 33-year-old Albert Park barely saw regional representative honours in his 20-years-worth of footballing efforts, but that hasn't stopped him from chasing the dream through his kids. This comes as the...

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