The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A weekend adventure with easy going party types has turned sour as seasoned doofer, Joel Anderson (32), is preparing to tell you every story about the three years he lived in London doing acid weekly. Following a fun evening of drinks and casual drug use, the early morning hours have digressed to the point where sitting silently listening...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local idiot who’s been going to the movies his whole life nearly failed to take a jumper into the cinema, despite knowing just how cold it gets in there. It’s believed Gary, a 31-year-old male who still lives at home, was there seeing the latest transformers movie, Bumblebee. The Advocate managed to grab him...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Drought resource management has kicked into high-gear at a French Quarter share house as a bottle of off milk has remained in the fridge, just in case the next person needs it for something. The two litre bottle of milk currently contains about 300 ml of milk three days past the used by date, but...

LOUIS BURKE | Fantasy| CONTACT Unregistered voter Patrick Mulroney (34) has stuck it to the man and put himself first in line to be stopped by coppers today by wearing a cap with an embroidered cannabis leaf on it in public. Describing himself as being between schemes, Mulroney took to public transport to visit a casual acquaintance just to have something to do...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact For residents of the humble inland oasis that is the town of Betoota, the blistering heat has forced their hands somewhat this afternoon. With the town currently facing the same oppressive conditions most of the country is battling with this afternoon, the choice of Friday destination has already been chosen for many. With the new year ticking along...

LOUIS BURKE | Fantasy| CONTACT Unable to catch a ball or pick up a bat without pretending it is a sword forged of Valyrian steel, non-cricket fan Ben Wright (28) is beginning to wonder if summer is how it feels for people who don’t like Game of Thrones whenever a new season is released. From a family of cricket lovers, Wright is unable...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Bureau of Meteorology has cancelled the heatwave morning for the wider Betoota district after an egg cracked onto Daroo Street this afternoon has failed to cook. Local timber cutter, Darcy Pearson, decided to create some social media content on his lunch break by taking to the street out the front of The Advocate's offices...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Donation charities from around Australia have today criticised Japanese 'tidying' expert Marie Kondo for the increase in useless shit being dumped in front of their clothing bins. Kondo has written four books on organizing, which have collectively sold millions of copies and have been translated into over 20 languages. In particular, her book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A suburban father of two popular teenage daughters has today been rattled to his core, after watching youtube a certain video and learning the exact lyrics of Bronx-based hip hop artist 'Cardi B' and Houston raised Megan Thee Stallion. Keiran, a loving family man had only heard passing comments about the iconic American rap superstars over the last...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-larges | Contact Children's healthy living advocate Healthy Harold has announced that he's prepared to test illicit drugs on himself instead of letting the kids of Australia, that he loves and adores, test them on themselves. The polite giraffe reached 300,000 Australian children in 2014 by visiting schools and giving lectures about the dangers of drug and alcohol...