The Nation

A grandmotherly coworker at the front desk has today hinted to the fact that she's at that age where these kind of heatwaves can really knock her around. This comes as a handful of Australian centres have have broken their highest ever January temperature records, including Broken Hill, which reached 45.4C and Albury which reached 44.4C. While this has proven to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Queensland native living across the border has been skiting to his southern friends today about how he and his fellow Queenslanders are on the real time and everyone else is just bloody stupid.  “Yeah, so the real time is actually 1:23pm” Logan Redcliffe said to his New South Wales born friends.  Despite living in NSW for a number...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A number of the self-described 'sane' members of The Liberal Party met with a prominent Canberra oncologist this afternoon, asking for advice on how to remove God, plus his overly polite and pensive son Jesus, from their organisation after their looming election defeat. The members, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the Liberal Party...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A largely downtrodden and overworked young professional has revealed her dream of one day being wealthy enough to engage the services of an architect. Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon in the smoking area of the Daroo Street Bus Interchange, the disenfranchised office drone went onto explain why she can only dream about doing that. "I...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The true nature of the heatwave currently gripping large parts of the country has been uncovered today, after a local father of 3 issued a strong statement on the conditions. The 62 year-old patriarch from Betoota Heights did so a short time ago by confirming that 'it's not cold'. Darren Wilson, a semi-retired chippy whose been feeling the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A self-described Brexit expert working in a French Quarter architecture practice has spent the morning answering his coworker's questions on the recent developments out of Westminster this morning like he actually knows what in the jumping blue Christ he's talking about. Connor Dallhasse, who tells strangers that he lost his eyebrows to shock in 2016...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Sammy Leech, a local yoga enthusiast holidaying in Bali, has bucked yogi protocol today after she made it through her entire 8-day retreat without uploading a single photo of herself in some lame yoga pose. According to Sammy, she was close to uploading photos a number of times, but refrained for fear of being judged by her non-yogi friends. “I...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular condom found earlier this week inside out and stuck to a local bus has won preselection for Clive Palmer's controversial "United Australia Party". It is understood by The Advocate that Mr Palmer signed off on the preselection this afternoon, making the discarded contraceptive the official UAP candidate for the Maranoa at this year's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The prominent coastal town has today praised the state and federal government for their tireless efforts in keeping potential tourists, or just run of the mill motorists, as far away as possible from their local businesses. The town at the centre of this particular bypass is Woolgoffs Tamba, a 20,000-or-so-person-town situated in the centre of New South Wales'...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just days after the boss of the nation's third worst state went on breakfast television claiming she'd never had a bamboo schooner before, the Catholic church has released a study that supports Premier Gladys Berejiklian's claim that extremely harsh penalties that affect a young person's life until they die is the best way to...