The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The free state of Melbourne city is facing an unexpected shortage of recyclable novelty furniture, as cafe owners say they can't possibly justify buying another crate of milk that will be poured down the sink. "It's a real issue" says one local hospopreneur, Banjo Clementè (35). "Almond milk and macadamia milk don't come in crates. They come in four...

LOUIS BURKE| Sports Betting | CONTACT Tabloids papers and other bodies with nothing better to do have been a buzz with an unverified story that is unlikely to surprise anyone, stating that former Labor leader and One Nation NSW state leader Mark Latham is probably an anti-vaxxer by now. A role model for losers everywhere, Mark Latham is best known for leading the ALP...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of Glenn Campbell's favourite stories to tell his kids is that he was old enough to watch the moon-landing at the pub. Impressive, his kids thought. But on the bed that lies dormant within the happy-go-lucky sexagenarian's spare room is something that he's struggling to wrap his experienced head around. "There's a whole queen mattress...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Betoota’s Old City District was the site of a morbid revelation earlier today as a Caucasian family dressed all in white sat in their scarcely furnished home, and came to the realisation that they are in fact a stock image. The unnamed family of four consisting of a father, mother, daughter and son were enjoying sitting on their neutral...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The historical wine region of Napa Valley in San Fransisco's greater Bay Area has today announced a name-change to Big Papi Valley. This comes after spokespeople for the region politely asked to be referred to as only 'Big Papi' in a new video that has been leaked through predominantly boys-only Whatsapp groups around the nation. Napa County is a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians from all walks of life rose to news this morning that they can expect a few hot days coming up. The seasonably warm weather has taken a number of people by surprise, as it does most years. A Betoota Heights roofer, who says folk in his industry have it especially tough this time...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scott Morrison has told the Daily Telegraph that he “won’t be dragged off to the right or left” of politics, as he declares environmental conservation and national security as his two biggest policies leading into the imminent federal election. These new moderate platforms come as the Prime Minister rebrands with the trendy square-frame glasses made popular by Malcolm...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Travel | Contact The severity of Trump’s foreign policy failings and his gross incapability as President has finally hit home for one Betoota local this morning after she checked the current AUD to USD exchange rate. Up until this point, news on Trump had just been white noise to Grace Mangany, but now that his actions are directly affecting her,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Life is never what is seems to local millennial Craig Taylor (26) who can only consistently rely on the uncertainty of not knowing whether his stoic grandfather Patrick Taylor (71) wants a handshake or a hug. Enjoying a healthy male relative relationship consisting of sporadic sport opinions and Monty Python references, Craig would describe the relationship with his pop as...

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Correct Opinion | Contact If you’re reading this it’s 2019. Congrats, I guess. By the time you are reading this I will be inside my bunker where I have contained myself with enough tins of chickpeas to see me through until inequality is eventually solved by a culturally diverse team of drag queens. I know this year is going to be tough...