The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter young professional revealed this morning that her boyfriend of seven years still finds it funny to greet her by putting his weak, pencil-pushing hand on the small of her back while he whispers "G'day Mate" in her ear at the same time. In addition to that, Lisa Pearson said the first thing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Christmas Eve drinks at 34 Benson Street in Betoota Heights is beginning to deteriorate and old scabs are starting to be picked. But before that, Peta Dearmoth's uncle Darryl ask her and the other cousins around her to excuse his French before he launched into his latest tirade. This is time, the object of his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Oh, okay. So what do I do now?" asks 76-year-old Robert Kelic. His 12-year-old grandson excitedly runs him through the ropes of his newest social media account. "You press this button and take either a photo or a video" says Jordon. "Then you decide who to send it to" Pop, who doesn't have any friends his own age who own a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Short of running out the front door and throwing himself under the D45 bus to the French Quarter, there's no real escape for one local man who is currently trapped in a conversation with an errant family member. Douglas Pearson, of Betoota Heights, spoke candidly to The Advocate just a short moment ago over his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia is not only under attack from homosexuals, fornicators and climate scientists, it's also under attack from communism. That's according to the Prime Minister, who spent this morning answering questions from the media as he stood shirtless on Sydney's Wanda Beach. "China," said Scott Morrison. "China in particular poses a clear and present danger to the Australian...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT US President Donald Trump has vowed a "very long" government shutdown if Democrats do not fund his border wall, even though he said Mexico was going to pay for it. Mr Trump is demanding $5.7bn (£4.5bn), which was passed by the House of Representatives, but is expected to be rejected in the Senate, who can't believe he is actually...

TRACEY BENDIGNER | Society | Contact Local man Adam Smithfield has today found himself in a different kind of drought to the one that his farming family have been in for the past 10 years.  After upping his Tinder search radius to 100km, poor Adam has already run out of potential romantic rendezvous in just 35 seconds of beginning his search.  Usually the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact A family braces for a culinary disaster today after learning that Auntie Jackie has been put in charge of cooking the Christmas turkey. The matriarch of the Barron family, Judith, has taken a particular distaste to the news, drawing comparisons between Aunty Jackie and a sense-deprived mute. “I don’t know what Val was thinking, putting Jackie in...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Betoota Heights Year 10 student Sam appears to have grown a set of balls as well as a hankering for beer this Christmas after boldly sneaking a beer out of the Esky while his mum’s back was turned. What Sam was yet to learn though was that Mum was like the three-eyed raven, she...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Morrison is today wondering whether now is a good time to air out as much of the government's dirty laundry as possible, while the nation is all caught up in festivities. "Maybe we could release a few of the findings from the Royal Commission" he says. "Or maybe that thing that happened in the Catholic Church. You know,...