The Nation

Report Finds That Aunty Stacey Is Fucken Ropeable About Postponement Of P!NK Concert

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | Contact It’s fairly safe to say that Stacey Johnson (48) is has been left down by one of her all-time idols. The mother of 3 has spent months looking forward to seeing the Queen of Middle Aged Suburban Punk Rock, P!nk. So when the ‘rockstar’ postponed her show last week citing health reasons, Johnson was reasonably deflated. However, as she explained to...

Steve Price Provides ‘Well-Informed Opinion’ On Whatever He Thinks Will Fire Up The Boomers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Prominent talkback personality and completely unaccomplished post-war Australian Steve Price has appeared on a popular TV panel show tonight to provide balance to an otherwise mutually agreed upon topic of common sense. And by balance, they mean a well-informed opinion, that is based around saying exactly the opposite of what the women and brown man are saying, in a...

Cruel Grandkids Eating Corn On The Roof Trick Pop Into Thinking The Drought Has Broken

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | Contact In an unfortunate turn of events today, a poor local grandpa’s ears were playing tricks on him. As the cruel drought gripping the country bites harder and harder, a grandpa on a property out of town thought he might have heard some relief. Sitting out on the verandah, enjoying a lunchtime cup of tea and a devon sandwich as has...

Andrew Gaff Grows A Beard And Skips Town

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact West Coast Eagles midfielder Andrew Gaff is officially on the run. After king hitting a bloke young enough to be sitting his year 12 exams in the near future, Gaff has rightly been copping a fair bit of heat. The Brownlow contender is in hot water for the punch that left young Andrew Brayshaw with 4 caved in teeth,...

Mainstream Media Accused Of Trying To Stop Blair Cottrell From Rubbing One Out Over Hitler

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact An everyday Aussie that looks like he spends four hours a day in the gym and pronounces big words like theatre critic, has made headlines for his idolisation of a fascist historical figure that killed thousands of Australians. Prominent neo-nazi Blair Cottrell, and the six or seven political movements he has been aligned with but ultimately distanced himself from...

“If You Can’t Handle Me At My Worst, You Don’t Deserve Me At My Best!” Declares Local Trainwreck

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Waking up to a stranger's ceiling yesterday morning, Declan Freisan said he was overcome by a familiar sense of impending dread. He told our reporters this morning in the 7/11 $1 coffee line this morning opposite the Robinson Road Bus Interchange that even though he knew hadn't done anything wrong - he couldn't shake the...

Dad Refuses To Cheers Unless You Are Making Direct Eye Contact

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Dad has certain rules about clinking glasses, it has been confirmed. While sitting out on the deck during a visit from his adult kids, a local Betoota dad has made it clear that he will not be cheersing anyone unless they are making direct eye contact with him. In fact, the idea of cheersing without making eye contact is the...

Sunday Morning Friend Request Brings Back Memories Of Friendship Forged In Girls Bathroom

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Local girl, Steph Cleary, has this morning woken to find her notification tab filled with a slew of friend requests from girls she’s never even heard of before. After staring perplexed at her screen for ten minutes and trying to wrack her thumping prune of a brain, it hit her. These were the 3 girls she made best friends...

Suspended Private School Boarder Threatened With Local High School Yet Again

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact The delinquent son of a wealthy Betoota pub baron family has today called his parents bluff yet again as they threaten to pull him out of his $65k a year boarding school and send him to Betoota High. “Christ-all-bloody-mighty, Harry!” Roared Mr Holdsworth, droplets of spit flying out his mouth and spraying his delinquent son. “I...

Inner-City Leftie Does His Part For Drought Stricken Farmers And Shares A Meme About It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "No, I didn't buy these sausages from the butcher, I bought them from Woolworths," he said. "It's such a bother to do your shop, then go to the butcher and then the green grocer! I'm sorry, I know I should support small business but I was in a rush!" There's a lot of guilt playing on the mind of Gary...

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