The Nation

Insurance Company Spoil Another Good Song

Tragic news for music fans as insurance company NGIRMCA secures the rights to a song you love, promising to overplay the shit out of it on their TV, online and radio ads. NGIRMCA spokesperson Victoria Spokesevic stated they are happy to announce their use of the song and hope you continue to have positive associations with it and don’t eventually...

Pauline Hanson Says She’ll Never Forgive Muslims For Turning Four Senators Against Her

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the departure of the fourth of the three senators she had elected to the Federal Senate off the back of an anti-Muslim political campaign in 2016, Pauline Hanson has today vowed to come down harder on Muslims for all the things they have done to her career as a politicians. "I will never forgive them for everything they...

Report: She’s Not Fucken Warm, Dry

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by literally anyone going outside right now suggests that it's not fucken warm, in fact it's a bit fresh out there. This comes as Betoota looks to hit a low of 4° tonight, with many of the locals opting to throw on scarfs, in turn adhering to the cultural practices of our South Australian neighbours. "Ah shit....

Mosman-Based Young Liberal Who Held Down A Bar Job While At Bond University Says He’s Worried That Generations Of Houso Kids Are Being Raised With A Sense Of Entitlement

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 23-year-old paralegal who had a bar job during his four years at University says if he can get an elite tertiary education without any help from his parents, then anyone can. Enoch Grinndaley-Blighton says the concept of privilege is just bullshit, and a result of the left-wings obsession with identity politics. "I never had it easier than anyone else...

Sydney Woman Desperately Trying To Convince Overseas Friend That Having Fun Is Overrated

KENT REGINALD | Editor | CONTACT A local Sydney woman who is definitely, definitely not in denial, is reportedly trying to convince her friend visiting from New York that having a good time is an incredibly overrated activity, and is nothing compared to the fulfilment you get from going to bed at 9pm after watching three episodes of ‘Love Island Australia’ back-to-back on a...

Blasting Sounds Of Alanis Morissette Suggests Mum’s Had A Blow Up With Her Boss Again

The high volume rotation of Alanis Morissette‘s greatest hits in mum’s Golf can only suggest that she’s in the mood to tell everyone to fuck off. The car ride home, while tense, appears to naturally therapeutic for Mum. She then cranks Jagged Little Pill at full bore as she pulls into the driveway. Currently holding one hand in her pocket in the...

Queanbeyan Man Becomes Canberra Man For Next 12 Hours

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A rural New South Wales builder that originally hails from Queanbeyan but lives in the city now has finally given up explaining the geographic intricacies of his hometown. At 40 years of age, Blake Griffin has stopped trying to educate people about the borders of the Australian capital territory, and now says he's simply "from Canberra." THE BETOOTA ADVOCATE'S NRL...

Pretty Boy Halfback Tries His Best To Look Tough While Running Through Tunnel

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Betoota Dolphins Reserve Grade halfback has done his best to look physically intimidating while running out onto the field last weekend. The young half for the dolphins Jasper Horder (21) is a stereotypical number 7. Smaller than all of his teammates, better looking than most and diagnosed with ‘little man syndrome,’ the arrogant playmaker trotted through the tunnel like...

“Give It Back, It’s My Turn” Says Victorian Copper After Random Breath Test

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just months after bashing the shit out of a mentally unwell man for being at risk of himself, the Victorian police have had to once again apologise, but this time it's for pretending to do stuff. This comes as the Southern Police Force has had $4 million of road safety funding suspended after an investigation revealed officers falsified more...

Denzel Washington Identified As Only Person In The World Who Looks Good In A Trench Coat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After decades of dorky goths trying it on, a recent report by the UN Textiles arm in partnership with GQ Magazine has found that no one in the world looks as good as Denzel does in a trench coat. After a career of playing high-powered and well-groomed protagonists in cold American cities, actor Denzel Washington has been identified as the...

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