The Nation

Suit Keeps Swipe ID In Plain Sight At Pub So Other Suits Know Where He Works

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of young men who work in offices with computers for multinational companies have gathered this afternoon at a popular French Quarter bar to talk about everything from the weekend's sport to the fad that was cryptocurrency. Each of them clip-clopped their way down from the financial district in their RMs after 5 today...

Pub DJ Chases Cheap Points From Pissed British Backpackers And Puts On House Of Pain

KENT REGINALD | Backpackers | CONTACT A group of six British lads on a "Lad’s Holiday” to Australia have reportedly won the respect and admiration of everybody in a local night club, after executing a perfectly choreographed and highly aggressive dance routine to House Of Pain’s hit song “Jump Around”. The group, consisting of lifelong friends Gazza, Bazza, Jezza, Tazza, Wazza, and Stavros, have been...

Former Hometown Footy Star Warns Thieving Dogs They Won’t Get Far In Furious Facebook Status

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A hometown acquaintance, who ended up playing a few seasons of first grade in the city, is back at home and living that townie life, according to his most recent Facebook status. Curtis Shayler, who was signed to a professional football club before he'd even finished high school, is back in town playing for the local club, it has...

Man With Insatiable Desire To Bash The Mentally Ill Finds His Calling In The Victorian Police

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A physically imposing, but emotionally stunted man who fantasises about assaulting vulnerable people has today decided it's time to channel his problematic personality traits into a career. This comes after the most recent footage of Victorian cops bashing another mentally ill person. Up to four officers have been caught on camera ramming a man with a police car, and then...

Victorian Police Say Their Officers Are Taking The Collapse Of Doughnut Time Quite Hard

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian Police have today given a statement outlining the recent crankiness of their officers, following viral video footage of them fucking up a disability pensioner for no real reason. "Doughnut Time was a real perk for a day out on the job for these fellas" said Victorian police commissioner, Graham Ashton "Obviously, the franchise has folded and the boys are a...

Entire School, Including Teachers, Aware That Most Popular Couple Did It On The Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the year 11 students of Betoota High filed into class this morning, there was a certain topic of conversation on everyone’s lips. That topic being the romantic encounter between this particular year's power couple. Who, after taking it slow for a few months, have finally done it over the weekend. Students at the local high school have informed us...

Gen-Y Finally Exposed To Real Music As Half-Cut Dad Drops Needle On Hotel California

A father of 2 millennials who have a new found appreciation of vinyl records has today hi-jacked the youngest ones record player, spinning a very dusty Eagles record in a bold declaration of what real music is. Joe Henley, 51, who has never paid any real attention to his daughters interests, was in a chirpy mood this weekend, the result...

Rural Nightclub Admits They Love A Bit Of Violence In Their Venue, Installs Bundy On Tap

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The operators of North Betoota's Mink Hotel, also known as The Mink, also know as The Stink has today confirmed all rumours that they don't care about the violence that frequents their venue on weekends. What was initially thought to be a horrible cycle that the pub was trapped in, actually appears to be almost calculated. Former patron, Kenno (38,...

Study Finds 1 Person In Every Game Of Skirmish Will Have A Terrible Time

A recent study has revealed that there is always one person in every game of skirmish will have an awful time, with 80% of those guaranteed to lose their shit entirely before the day is out. The popular game, where people shoot each other with hard balls of exploding paint, is usually played by members of a bucks party or...

Reluctant Partygoer’s Night Improves Dramatically After Finding Out That Host Has A Dog

LEROY PERCIVAL | Interpersonal Skills | CONTACT A South Betoota local who reluctantly attended a family friend's engagement party on the weekend, has spoken of her relief upon discovering that the host was the owner of a super-friendly spotty doggo named Bruce. “He was a rescue dog” said Ruby McCabe, a booking agent for the wider Diamantina area, “but tonight he rescued...

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