World News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota Grove woman who hasn't ever been to England, and hasn't ever met an English person that she likes, is today spending a bizarre amount of energy worrying about what Meghan Markle is doing to the British Royals. This follows the boring news that The Duke and Duchess of Sussex did not consult the Queen or...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The rogue Royals have wasted little time finding their feet it can be confirmed today.  Less that 24 hours after announcing that they would be going out on their own and attempting to break away from the Royal purse, Harry and Meghan seem to have already found alternative sources of income. In a profound display of independence, Harry has enrolled...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While, he isn't exactly looking forward to World War 3, Michael Davison says he's ready if need be. The full-time IT Manager for Betoota Municipal Council issued a profound statement as the world nervously watches the situation in the Middle East. Reports emerged this morning of a couple of rocket strikes in the Green Zone of Iraq's capital...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a surprising announcement, a high-profile young family of welfare recipients have decided they would rather not be such a burden on the tax-payer. Harry Windsor and his wife Meghan have announced they plan to "step back" from their social security payments and work to become financially independent. Like any high-profile and volatile small-town couples with checkered pasts, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A very very large majority of Planet Earth's occupants have today overwhelmingly made it clear that they would not like to send their young people to war again. As has been the case with the last couple world wars, everyone but the cranky old codgers in charge are more than aware that nothing good can come from this. Aside...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Travellers were left feeling quite amused today, as a bloke was seen boarding an international flight wearing ball hugging jeans. Gary ‘Gazza’ Thompson was unaware of this faux pas when he’d settled in for the long haul, and thought the weird looks were less to do with his attire, and more to do with his terrible singlet tan....

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, the supreme being, creator deity and principal object of faith, God, says he’s at a complete loss about what else he can do to let the human race know that it’s fucking up the planet. “Have you seen what I’ve caused in 2019 alone?” says God in a voice that’s exactly like...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent report carried out by the Social Media Accountability Society (SMAS) has found that Facebook needs to chill the fuck out with is algorithm-generated memories from the past. Unlike a normal human who can selectively forget the horrendous phases and actions from their past, the Facebook algorithm doesn’t forget a thing and seemingly loves reminding us of them. This...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT On the lower half of the lower-mid Queensland Coast sits a troubled town by the name of Gymboolture. Like most regional epicentres in Australia, Gymboolture is currently being ravaged by crystal methamphetamines. So much, so that it's now destroying homes and making it hard for residents to walk outside without some sort of protection. The circulation of dirty money...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australians are once again feeling weirded out by New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, after she immediately addressed the nation following devastating volcanic eruption that engulfed tourists on the country's White Island. More than 20 people are still missing after the eruption rocked the two kilometre-wide island at 2:11pm local time, sending plumes of white smoke, ash...