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New Movie Casts Christopher Walken As Cheeky But Loveable Father Figure With A Dark Side

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In entertainment news today, a new movie has been announced casting Christopher Walken in an exciting new role. That role will be in the 2020 release College Dad, where Walken will play a bored single dad who moves across the road from his son's new College. The 76-year-old American actor, famous for his dark and sinister roles in a...

Peter Dutton Ecstatic About Being Able To Refer To Zimbabwe As Rhodesia Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has an extra spring in his step this week, claiming his job just got a whole lot easier. The Member for Dickson is reportedly ecstatic to hear the news of Robert Mugabe's passing late last week, and looks forward to being able to use the word 'Rhodesia' freely going forward - without being...

60 Minutes Calls Up Pauline Hanson To Analyse Meghan Markle’s Standing In The Royal Family

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Flagship Channel 9 Current Affairs program 60 Minutes has wowed viewers today with the teaser 'for the most unmissable show ever.' The program has released promotional videos spruiking their upcoming expose on how Meghan Markle 'isn't fitting into the Royal family,' according to old people. Yet to air, the program has already caused outrage across the globe,...

England Also Claim Rhianna

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In some breaking news out of the currently imploding isle of 'Great' Britain, England has today laid claim to another talented performer. Continuing its well-documented habit of laying claim to succesful people from countries they colonised as part of their relentless quest to conquer the world, the nation of England has today tried to claim the superstar, Rhianna....

“Burning Man Used To Be Way Better” Says Darwin Woman Who Went To Burning Man Two Years Ago

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Darwin-based social worker who's entire personality is based around the fact that she took heaps of acid in the Nevada desert in 2017, says no one else will ever be able to experience what she did. Burning Man is an annual, nine-day gathering in the desert that includes artistic performances, installations, and music. The nine-day gathering of 70,000...

Nice Irish Guy To Play Nice Irish Guy In New Movie That Doesn’t Explain Why Character Is Irish

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prominent Irish actor and comedian Chris O'Dowd is set to play an Irish guy in an upcoming new movie that isn't set in Ireland and really has no need for an Irish character. O'Dowd, who comes across as a nice guy in real life, is set to once again play a nice guy, in what is being heralded as...

ScoMo Tells Trump He Can Do Mates Rates On Norfolk If He’s Still Chasing An Island

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has delighted the Liberal Party today, by coming up with an incredibly innovative privatisation policy. Following in the footsteps of Prime Ministers and Premiers before him, Morrison has conjured up a plan to sell a public asset for short term financial gain. That plan is, to hopefully, sell Norfolk Island to the United States....

Environmentally Conscious McDonalds Assure World They’ve Been Pioneering Fake Meat For Years

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The multinational food giant McDonalds has today come out trying to set the record straight. With the 'fake meat' war waging across the world and the race to develop meat the bleeds and taste just like the real stuff heating up, the iconic company has assured everyone that they've been making fake meat for ages. In a statement...

FBI Release Image Of ‘Person Of Interest’ Wanted For Questioning Over Jeffrey Epstein’s Death

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT US Detectives have today released a surveillance video image of a man suspected of breaking into a Manhattan holding facility on Saturday around the same time as the sudden and suspicious death of pedophile Billionaire Jeffrey Epstein. The FBI have also opened formal investigations into how US financier Jeffrey Epstein was able to apparently kill himself in prison while...

Sausage Dogs Great In Theory

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the PETA has found that the adorable sausage dog is much more likely to be enjoyed as an idea, not necessarily as a reality. The dachshund, also known as the sausage dog or wiener dog is a short-legged, long-bodied, hound-type dog breed. They may be smooth-haired, wire-haired, or long-haired. The report found that outside the cuteness...

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