LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Accused by the left of being tone-deaf, out-of-touch and Humphrey Bear’s conservative cousin, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has once again proven that he’s just like any ordinary Australian who shouldn’t be running a country.
Holding a press conference in his smoke-covered home city of Sydney, Mr Morrison took to the stand to discuss the issue weighing on the mind of the nation: Christmas shopping.
“Haha, looks like it’s time for smokey-o [sic],” jeered the PM, pointing the smoke clouds that concealed his staffers and empathy consultant that flanked him on either side.
“Haha! No, in all seriousness though, you have demanded action from me and I’ll be honest and say that in this difficult time, I too, like many Australians, have not yet finished my Christmas shopping.”
After the statement aroused a furious erection from News Corp journalists, Mr Morrison continued his commitment to reaching targets such as the $35 limit for his office Kris Kringle.
“Obviously, it could always just be a voucher but it’s not as easy for the missus is it? Ha!”
Doubling down, Mr Morrison then stated that most quiet Australians are behind on their Christmas shopping, even those from cultures that don’t celebrate Christmas.
When asked when he would make a public statement about the bushfires that continue to burn throughout the country, Morrison once again brought the topic back to Christmas.
“Look, I get it, I’ve been to the affected areas and have seen the devastation the green fires have caused. In one case, a family lost their home, all that remained standing was their brick chimney. But I assured the kids, their remaining chimney was the only thing they needed for Christmas, as it’s the perfect place for someone to climb down with a sack full of pressies in just a couple more sleeps! Ha!”