CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Rugby League Chair Peter V’Landys may have killed two birds with one stone today, after having a brainwave that could solve some of the most niggling issues for both state and federal governments.
In an effort to get the boys back on the field and keep sponsorship money rolling in, Peter V’landys took a drive down the south coast today to ponder his options.
It was just as he was crossing Alan’s creek on the Princes Motorway that he spotted it.
“Farkin oath” said V’landys, as the haunted Ruby Princess ocean liner came into view.
Within moments he was telling Siri to call NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian on the burner phone she has reserved just for the rugby league.
The NRL has proposed to restart the Telstra Premiership on May 28 but V’landys has said the details of how the competition would be structured during the COVID-19 pandemic won’t be finalised until the pussies in the Queensland and New South Wales governments get on board.
The game is exploring a number of options including the glorious but brief proposal of relocating 500 players and staff to Moreton Island. More recently, administrators considered quarantining teams to isolated bubbles in and around Western Sydney.
However, the newly named ‘Project Titanic’ brings a new wave of hope that the record sheets won’t have to leave a blank mark next to 2020.
“Oi” V’landys said the moment the NSW Premier picked up the phone.
“Oi you doing anything with that cruise ship?”
“Give it to me. I’ll send Reni Matiua’s cleaning services on there and we’ll nuke it”
Gladys Berejiklian didn’t sound NOT interested as she marvelled at the famous imagination of the national rugby league. V’landys went on.
“We’ll drop some turf on the deck and put up some posts. If that bad boy can house 2,500 cashed up boomers then we’ll have no problem housing the entire rugby league and their families”
When asked by Gladys what he planned on doing with the quarantining staff members still stuck on the controversial Ruby Princess, V’landys said he’d have a job for them too.
“They can run touch. I don’t care what their tests results say. They’ll be well within 1.5 metres of everyone”
“Gladys, listen to me. Today your office will get a call from the media, tell them I’ve put Jason Stevens in charge of innovation for Project Titanic. Tell them the cops have told me I’ve got the all clear and then tell them you are waiting for advice from medical experts”
“I’m gonna go book the pyrotechnicians for Round One 2.0”
“The show goes on!”
While Darius Boyd and a couple other high profile WAGS have voiced opposition to having to compromise their usual lifestyle in order to prevent their employer from folding into bankruptcy, fans around Australia would be happy to just watch their favourite teams perform beep tests if it meant a bit of live betting and Ray Warren commentating.
MORE TO COME.