ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Our common-sense Prime Minister has lived up to his self-titled nickname today by telling reporters in Sydney this afternoon that he’s not going to tell everyone what his plan is for JobKeeper and Seeker until after the election.

Because if he does, they probably won’t be voting for him in Eden-Monaro this weekend.

“I mean, of course I’m going to roll the scheme back in September,” he said.

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s costing this government an absolute bomb. We can’t all sit around forever not working,”

“Look at me! Do I look like the fucking Smith Family to you? Does fucking Parliament House look like Ronald McDonald House? Mate, it does my fucking head in people thinking I’m just going to keep printing money and giving it to them. I’m a Liberal Prime Minister, use your fucking heads for once,”

“If I tell you now that I’m going to stop with the free money in September, nobody will vote for the Liberals in Eden-Monaro and we’ll probably end up with some lunatic from the Shooters or some pie-in-the-sky Labor lifer who’s never so much as broken up shit and thrown it in a skip bin. Hands softer than the skin on Kevin Rudd’s arse! Is that what you want?”

Andrew Probyn raised his hand as he nodded his head.

“What?! What is it, you wavy-haired fuck?!” yelled Scott.

At that point, Dave Sharma pulled the plugs out of the microphones and put his arm around the Prime Minister to comfort him.

More to come.


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