ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
ScoMo, the Prime Minister of Australia, has taken time out of his busy afternoon of sheepishly laughing and creating jobs to visit a Canberra Captain Snooze shop to buy a big new bed for the Victorian Liberals who got up on theirs over the weekend, pulled their britches down and shit on the bare mattress.
Witnesses described the scene as the man in the top job waltzed through the doors of the Fyshwick outlet store.
“Plastic sheets this time, too!” laughed Scott as he slammed the bottomless tax-payer funded Diners Club card down on the counter.
“Maybe they’re into that type of thing down in Melbourne? It strikes me as a real plastic sheet town. Those home job Northcote haircuts. Them ding ding buses on the road rails! By golly, get me out of that place!”
“Anyway, hope it’s the last time they shit the bed down there. What would Malcolm Fraser do now? Probably give me a dressing down verbally then choke me out! He was a strong man. Well built! Holy Dooley! He could twist the top off a stubbie before they even made twist tops! So my message to the Victorian Liberals is please stop doing numbers twos in the bedrooms!”
ScoMo refused to answer any legitimate questions from the media as he waltzed back to his comcar like a Dad walking back to his backyard bowling marker.
More to come.