LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Locals of coastal town Glumbucket Heads (Betoota’s closest coastal getaway as the crow flies) are proud to have finally won the ongoing war against the tourists that keep their town thriving.
Glumbucket local businesses have confirmed that this year is the year they can make the move they have been waiting for since settlement.
“The tourism trade is here to stay at Glumbucket,” said cafe owner Denise Wu.
“So fuck being nice to any of those pricks when they come in here with their shitty questions and enquiries about our toilet, which for the record, is for customers and locals only.”
For the first time ever, Glumbucket locals are proud to debut their new attitude to the tourists that flock to their beachside town during warm weather, letting them know that to them, they are basically seagulls with more complex dietary needs.
The most noticeable change so far is the overnight switch to ‘cash only’ across all of the town’s notable eateries and stores.
“If they want to visit our business, they first have to go to the pub ATM with the $20 transaction fee. If they don’t want to do that, then that’s OK, they can just fuck off and never see us again.”