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“I can re-educate these people for you” said Peter Dutton, in his awkward high-school-soccer-captain-at-assembly voice.
“Just give me the old RAAF base at Ipswich and I’ll set up a camp”
The Minister For Home Affiars begins whispering in an effort to hide his excitement.
“Just say the word, wolf”
“I’ll bring this pack into line”
“Just say the word, my captain”
“Please say the word. Please. My captain”
This is just one of many ideas that have been brainstormed in the Cabinet meeting this morning, as Prime Minister Morrison now must confront day-three of nationwide blockades and protests as part of the Extinction Rebellion.
A warning has been issued to activists as they continue their environmentalist campaign, with close to 100 protesters already being arrested yesterday in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne.
Authorities have reiterated today that any unreasonable disruption to transport, roads and members of the public would not be tolerated in the capital Australian cities that are so well-known for free-flowing road traffic.
However, for the fossil fuel industry and its allies in Federal Parliament, these protests are much more inconvenient than being held up on the way to work.
It is for this reason our elected officials have been told by their superiors to move quickly to stem this bold showing of civil disobedience.
All of the former-4ZZZ-blaring-lefties that have now found a cushy job working for Queensland Labor have responded to these protests by fast-tracking legislation that will mean Extinction Rebellion activists causing trouble will immediately be locked up for ‘wasting time’ of police officers.
Peter Dutton MP, who is no longer allowed anywhere near the Immigration portfolio, or basically any other ministry that is in anyway linked to the economy, has realised this might be his moment.
It appears that after au-pair scandal after Biloela scandal after failed Lib Spill after Failed Lib Spill, Dutton’s long list of responsibilities shrink to the point of him basically having no jobs but to read through all of our encrypted messaging services.
Last week Peter Dutton made headlines when he said protestors should have their welfare payments cut and be subject to mandatory jail sentences – until their behaviour changes – comments that gave even his most conservative supporters chills as they began imagining this man being a street cop in Brisbane in the 1990s.
However, today, on day-three, Dutton has had enough.
“Scott…” he says.
“I’ve been to North-West China… I’ve seen how they do it”
“Please let me Xinjiang these people”