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As Morrison’s media team work hard to steer the news cycle away from the climate fires ravaging countless regional towns in four different states, and instead hold press conferences to assure the public he will defend the senior citizens who have been abused in aged car facilities that were deregulated by his own party – a new thorn has pierced his side.

Angus Taylor, the Liberal member for the regional seat of Hume, south-west of Sydney, is making headlines for a whole range of allegations related to corruption and doctoring of official documents.

The 53-year-old, who is visibly Morrison’s least favourite MP, probably due to his well-known ambitions to one day lead the coalition, has been handed the poisoned chalice of cabinet positions to keep him from making any moves on the top job. Similar to the time Prime Minister Abbott put Malcolm Turnbull in charge of slashing the ABC’s budget and building an already outdated $500B NBN – Angus Taylor has been promoted to Minister for Energy and Emissions Reduction. A fucked job that no one wants because the majority of the current government don’t believe in climate change and won’t actually do anything about these issues.

However, this week, Morrison is changing his tune by publicly defending his handsome factional rival.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison is facing broad political condemnation for calling the New South Wales Police Commissioner about an ongoing investigation involving one of his ministers.

Opposition leader Anthony Albanese believes Mr Morrison is attempting to influence police findings by calling Commissioner and full-time-underage-girl-strip-searcher Mick Fuller – after it was revealed the cops had launched an investigation into an allegedly forged document used by Energy Minister Angus Taylor’s office in a political attack against Sydney’s Lord Mayor Clover Moore.

Where he accused her of spending $15.9M on travel allowances between 2017-18, before she was able to publicly proved that her entire office only spent $300,000 on everything for that same time period.

Even former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has criticised the phone call saying he would not have done it, insinuating he would rather ask the MP to stand down and endure a by-election – which is probably why he’s no longer leader.

Morrison has today responded to criticisms of his decision to call Fuller, by clarifying he only wanted to know how fucked Angus Taylor was.

“I needed to know if he was fucked fucked” says Morrison.

“If he’s fucked fucked, I’ll throw him to the wolves and focus on maintaining the balance of power by staunchly defend Gladys Liu’s right to be a servant to Chinese spy agencies”

“But I’m hoping he’s just Liberal Party fucked. As in fucked enough to be sacked from Westpac, but not fucked enough to lose his $200k-per-year-job as an elected Federal Minister”

“You know, the George Christensen spending all that time in the Phillipines kinda fucked. The Peter Dutton Au Pair, Childcare Centre, family trust kind of fucked. So fucked but not fucked enough to get sacked”

“The kind of fucked that Angus Taylor already was when we found out he owned a company that sold water licenses from two of its agricultural properties back to the Australian government at an unusually high price—$79 million—at a profit to the company of $52 million.”

“I just wanna know if this is the kind of thing I can ignore until this nation of morons gets distracted by Christmas. I think it is”

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