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After a week of the Prime Minister’s media team refusing to tell journalists where the Prime Minister was, a leaked photo of him chucking up a shaka in Honolulu has forced his office to acknowledge the rumours that they are paid $200k a year to clarify, were actually true.
Scotty From Marketing will cut a Hawaiian family holiday short, saying he “deeply regrets” any offence caused by his decision to take leave as bushfires burned across Australia – but not apologies have been offered, because Christians only need to repent.
“I deeply regret any offence caused to any of the many Australians affected by the terrible bushfires by my taking leave with family at this time,” he said in a statement.
Despite having access to RAAF jets and private jumbos that can literally take him where ever he wants whenever he wants, the Prime Minister says he will return to Australia “as soon as can be arranged”.
“I have been receiving regular updates on the bushfires disaster as well as the status of the search for and treatment of the victims of the White Island tragedy.” he wrote, from the poolside in Waikiki.
This elusive and non-transparent behaviour has left the nation feeling unconfident in the political leadership they have just voted in for the next three years.
This comes after two RFS officers died on the frontline last night in South-West Sydney, while fighting one of the two megafires that have so far destroyed close to 2000 homes and killed 6 others in an unprecedented bushfire season that emergency and rescue experts have been warning the Coalition government about for years.
Morrison has been quick to send his condolences, but still won’t be able to leave Hawaii until tomorrow, according to his media team. Which can be loosely translated into “I’m finishing my holiday whether you like it or not”.
“We lied all week for him” one of the Prime Minister’s spinners said.
“We lied and lied and lied.
“If anyone asks ill just say ‘how good are Christmas holidays’ and ‘go sharkies’… It worked for the boss”.