The bungled jab roll-out is almost a distant memory today, as the Government begins another week of dropping dead cats on the table to distract from the rotting elephant on the front lawn.

This morning Scotty From Marketing proved to the nation that he is a patriotic Australian after all – with the announcement that he is open to the idea of a Royal Commission into Veteran Suicide in 3 to 4 years.

This commitment to investigate something that returned servicemen and servicewoman have been trying to highlight for decades shows that the Prime Minister is not just some detached rich boy from Bronte, but actually a talented political operator who can gauge and assess the voter sentiment.

It’s for this same reason that the PM has not been photographed wearing anything but hi-vis vests and jackets for a whole week.

The fluro rebrand comes as the embattled leader ramps up his Working Class Man cosplay on a nationwide tour which has seen a bunch of photoshoots at coal mines, fruit markets and jobsites – all while doing his very best to not discuss the growing list of sexual assault claims levelled against prominent Liberal party figures.

However, it seems the hard hats and high-visibility clothing is not enough for the Marketing Guru to drill home to the working class that he is one of them.

This afternoon he’s gone one further by repainting his tax-payer-funded harbourside mansion a vibrant #COFF02 fluro yellow.

At an estimated value of over $50 million, The Prime Minister’s private residence of Kirribilli House sits on a 6,000 square metre block of land and overlooks both the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. On a waterfront stretch of Sydney’s lower north shore not readily associated with the working class.

But with this new paint job, the PM says he’s hoping people will realise that deep down, he’s one of them.

Speaking at a press conference outside the multimillion dollar residence today, Scotty From Marketing was also dressed head-to-toe in hi-vis as well.

“Today marks a new day for Australian politics” he began.

“A day to remind the people that I am not just a career bureaucrat who’s never paid for lunch in my life”

“This new paint job reflects our commitment to swing voters who are so busy working that they aren’t able to fully comprehend how every stroke of my pen affects their quality of life”

“I just want them to know that sometimes I wear the same clothes that they wear to work”

“And now so does my house”

When asked by reporters if he planned on painting his beachside Cronulla residence the same colour, Morrison sniggered.

“Haha. No no no” he said.

“Just Kirribilli House. Maybe the Lodge too if Jenny lets me”

“But no, i’m not fucking with my own actual assets. I don’t think that would be very good for the resale value of my Cronulla joint”

“Or any of the other houses I own for that matter”


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