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It seems that NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian may have found an alternative to the oppressive lock out laws that have been in place across Sydney since 2014.
After decades of trialing new policy to stop partygoers from punching the fuck out of each other after a rugby league skinful, it seems the coronavirus has served up a medium rare solution to monitoring the state’s anti-social relationship with alcohol.
Earlier this week, the NSW state government announced that bars and clubs with kitchens will be able to reopen as of midday today, as Covid-19 lockdowns ease.
However, to prevent a bullrush of hedonism, bars and pubs will be subject to the same social distancing and headcount caps as other venues – with 4 square metres of space for each patron, up to a maximum of 10 patrons.
Another catch to the new public health order is that venues can only serve alcohol “with food served”.
This means every pub in NSW is currently full of people that have eaten far too much food to get into a fight or cause any form of drunken nuisance.
However, even with the hoops to jump through, local Maroubra carpet-layer Reni Vaculik (38) says he was gonna do whatever he could to get back inside the pub.
He says he’s now been consistently eating ever since he descended on his local three hours ago with five mates in tow.
“No problem with the service” he says.
“They are only allowed four other patrons in the pub, so there’s no line at the bar. But fuck me I’m full” he says.
“Have you ever eaten 6 steak sandwiches in a row?”
As Reni points out, the usual pub-shout etiquette is a bit different during late-stage coronavirus restrictions, with all members of a round expected to also buy their mates a meal every time they head to the bar, or face being asked to leave.
“I should have gone low carb.” he says.
“I could hammer a salad every beer, but I started with the steak sanger and I’m gonna have to stick with it”
“You know what they say, you can’t mix your food. It makes your hangover so much worse”
While Reni says he’s now eaten over entire loaf of bread and a kilo of steak, he reckons he could have done worse.
“I just feel bad for my mate Clacker. He’s about to notch his 7th parmy. That is a lot of breaded bird and mash”