LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
USA President and former host of the Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump (73), famously won the 2016 presidential election running on the promise to ‘Make America Great Again.’
Due to the USA having a history of massacres, slavery and something called the McBiscuit, Trump failed to win over minority voters by promising to restore things to how they once were.
Yet, the man who opened the only casino that has ever lost money won the election by ranting at mass rallies and berating the media, who actually really enjoyed the ratings boost they got from relaying his bigotry into very watchable soundbites.
After about three minutes in office, it became clear that President Trump would prefer campaigning to making the changes he promised and decided to take time off his busy golfing schedule to start campaigning for 2020.
At a recent rally in Bigotsfield Mississippi, Mr Trump spoke honestly with his supporters and told them he’d need another four years to really make American great again.
“People say that I was going to do everything in one year, I never said that, you filmed it, I didn’t say it,” stated Mr Trump in an assembly room which literally contained more Nazis than Paris in 1941.
“You take the four, minus the one, that’s three, maths, very smart. Now we’re going to make America really great again in just four years, numbers, that’s my thing.”
“The wall is going to be made of guns, it will protect itself, that’s jobs!”
Critics of Trump and other people that don’t have fucking rocks in their head have criticised the President’s first term for inciting multiple counts of race violence, normalising sexual assault and threatening mass global conflict every time he takes his phone to do a Diet Coke powered shit.
“Even Webster’s has a better definition of ‘great’ than Donald Trump,” stated CNN reporter and known Antifa member Anderson Cooper.
“He has fanned the flames of a second civil right’s movement, this is definitely someone who is taking our country back more than a few years.”
Trump has however insisted that he’s not far off from that greatness he promised, but he’s obviously met a few hurdles with the whole COVID-19 pandemic and nationwide civil unrest.
“I’m gonna need four more years” he says.
“Bigger job than I thought”
MORE TO COME.