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Melbourne’s snap 5-day lockdown may in fact go a lot longer, according to the fashion experts.
In a haunting throwback to this time last year, Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has today announced the ‘short and sharp’ measures as a ‘circuit breaker’ to trace and squash the growing coronavirus outbreak linked to a Melbourne quarantine hotel.
Earlier today The Betoota Advocate reported that Victorians, or Sicktorians as we now like to call them, would not be recieving any sympathy for the duration of their most recent lockdown.
This statement of fact has been met with hysterical backlash from the Southerners, many of whom seem to think the rest of Australia should just drop everything and clap for them like NHS workers every time they let this virus escape a hotel.
However, while the imminent midnight lockdown isn’t nearly as gruelling as last year’s four months of Stage 4, questions are starting to arise over whether it will only be five days
This comes after Dan Andrews was spotted rushing out of The North Face outlet at South Wharf DFO this morning.
The Victorian Premier is believed to have been panic buying a new stash of outdoor puffer vests and undershirts – a chilling sign of things to come.
Now synonymous with the Premier’s daily media briefings during the 2020 second wave, the people of Melbourne can’t help but associate the North Face jacket with the public health disaster that took place in the middle of the longest year of their lives.
“Oh no” whispered one of the witnesses, who was coming out of Woolworths with 12 rolls of toilet paper under each arm.
MORE TO COME.