EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact

A local bloke has shown an out of character concern for waste management today.

After allowing a bag of rotting spinach to continue taking up residence in his bottom vegetable drawer, it’s reported.

It’s alleged that Ryan Wells had discovered the bag when he noticed a slightly pungent smell coming from his fridge, followed by a leaky trail of mystery fluid.

Ryan tells The Advocate that he’s unsure why he’s so loath to let the bag of spinach go, but hints that it may have something to do with his flailing self worth.

“Look, I keep fucking buying it so I’m going to use it.”

“It’s not going in the bin. I’ll put this shit in a blender and have a fridge bin juice enema before I chuck it out, okay?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. See that? SEE?” he says, gesturing to a couple of green leaves nestled on top of a bed of indiscernible slush, “there’s still a few good ones in there.”

“Chuck them in some pasta and they’re good to go. Yeeeew!”

As he wipes down the gelatinous mass forming at the corners of his fridge – which proves that all colours certainly do mix into brown – Ryan quips that he might even consider making a quiche.

“Or a tossed salad”, he muses, examining a ripe avocado he hastily bought a few days ago, “still haven’t figured out what to do with this yet either.”

More to come.


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